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Today, at work, a customer asked me to unlock the restroom for them. I honestly couldn't figure out which gender they were, but I didn't want to be rude and ask, so I took a chance. I unlocked the wrong one. FML

#21056381
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44090) - you deserved it (5224)

On 02/10/2014 at 3:48pm - work - by elizabethkalyn (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was driving along when I noticed a kid struggling to push his car up the crest of a hill. I jumped out to help him, and he acted surprised to see me. Once we got the car over the hill, it rolled on down. I then saw that no one was actually in the driver's seat. I'd helped a vandal. FML

Today, I'm stuck in a hotel with my psychotic mom, all because she swore there were "demonic" noises coming from our oven. Yeah, our oven is totally possessed, you idiot. FML

#21061598
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37784) - you deserved it (4330)

On 02/15/2014 at 3:51pm - misc - by fuck my goddamn life (man) - United States

Today, I got home late from work, so I decided to make myself a microwave meal. I pierced the plastic film several times. A little too loudly for my hateful bastard of a neighbor, I guess, because he called the cops on me, claiming he heard gunshots from my apartment. FML

#21077955
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41865) - you deserved it (2988)

On 03/04/2014 at 3:44pm - misc - by fuck you, jack (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out that my lover and boyfriend of over 5 years has me listed in his contacts as "Vagina". FML

#21075644
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49176) - you deserved it (6921)

On 03/02/2014 at 3:44am - love - by ouch (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, a guy from work that I barely know gave me sunflowers for my birthday. He told me, "You mentioned they were your favorite." I mentioned it to my family at home a few days ago. FML

#21069947
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47488) - you deserved it (4253)

On 02/23/2014 at 11:18pm - love - by You Are My Sunshine (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at work, I was standing around, doing nothing. When my coworker pointed this out, I laughed and said, "It's okay, I'm training for a supervisor position!" Guess who was standing right behind me. FML

#21079043
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33730) - you deserved it (16595)

On 03/05/2014 at 7:36pm - work - by sparkrok - United States (Washington)

Today, it seems to have got to the point where I take fleas off my cat so often that I now have dreams about finding the biggest and most perfect flea. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

#21080573
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45762) - you deserved it (24168)

On 03/07/2014 at 2:47pm - intimacy - by onepussytwopussy (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I was babysitting my nephew and we decided to color together. He drew a picture of someone who looked dead, almost zombie-like, while everyone else looked pretty normal. When I asked who it was, he said in a serious, scary voice, "It's you." FML

#21088838
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36650) - you deserved it (3793)

On 03/17/2014 at 5:51am - kids - by BondingTime - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was making a special birthday delivery for a customer. As I handed her the fruit basket, I said, "Hey, we have the same birthday! Happy birthday!" She called me an attention whore and slammed the door in my face. FML

Today, after years of frustration, I got a t-shirt printed that says, "I am a girl". FML

#21097950
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36778) - you deserved it (5457)

On 03/27/2014 at 6:34pm - misc - by mookiemookie01 (woman) -

Today, I took my 12 year-old to the orthodontist. While I was talking to the dentist about what was needing to be done, my daughter listened. With a straight face, the dentist joked, "Yeah, we're going to need to rip off her entire jaw." My daughter won't leave her room anymore. FML

#21098025
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40534) - you deserved it (4989)

On 03/27/2014 at 8:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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