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Today, I was ringing up a woman at work. I saw she'd bought a birthday cake, so I smiled and said I hope whoever it was for has a happy birthday. She looked at me in disgust, told me to mind my own business, then called me a "chucklefuck bitch". Okay then. FML

#21345551
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28483) - you deserved it (2234)

On 01/28/2015 at 10:01am - work - by retailshell (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML

#21339686
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38249) - you deserved it (3298)

On 01/18/2015 at 4:58pm - misc - by pissed out pants (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my young daughter came up to me, grabbed my face and said, "I'm putting you in the garbage." When I laughed and asked why, she looked me dead in the eye and said, "You are trash." FML

#21346789
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29335) - you deserved it (3332)

On 01/30/2015 at 12:41pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML

#21362728
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34165) - you deserved it (14)

On 02/24/2015 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by Like mother like daughter (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, after a 7 year dry spell, I finally got laid. The downside? It was in my dreams and involved a character from My Little Pony forcing itself on me. Now I hate that fucking stupid show more than ever. FML

#21365913
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30632) - you deserved it (6415)

On 03/01/2015 at 2:24pm - intimacy - by love and tolerape, apparently (man) - India (Jharkhand)

Today, I finally got the girl of my dreams' phone number. After texting her "Hey, is this Stephanie?" I got response saying "Sorry bro, I know how you feel, she did the same thing to me." FML

#21371084
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28) - you deserved it (2477)

On 03/09/2015 at 9:55am - love - by generic_name123 - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my mom sent me a pic of a blank paper, saying it was a drawing of all the people who wanted to date me. FML

#21362620
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32561) - you deserved it (2704)

On 02/24/2015 at 2:32pm - misc - by toastynippies - United States

Today, I found out how much those tiny dogs cost when my German Shepherd ate one. FML

#21377263
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (105) - you deserved it (9678)

On 03/18/2015 at 6:23pm - animals - by brokeforever (man) - Latvia (Riga)

Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML

#21378385
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25553) - you deserved it (3089)

On 03/20/2015 at 12:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, we received a wedding invitation from a couple who are renting an apartment from us. They haven't paid rent for several months. My father is listed as the "principal sponsor." FML

#2284
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20338) - you deserved it (2003)

On 01/23/2009 at 5:16am - money - by moronicmoroccan - Philippines (Rizal)

Today, I was going to end a thing I had with this guy. It turned out that he got back together with his ex-girlfriend and was just using me as a back up. FML

#2522
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17816) - you deserved it (3409)

On 01/25/2009 at 11:47am - love - by thesporkhop - United States (Nevada)

Today, I decided to ride my bike to the bus stop to go to school. I wasn't even half way and the last bus had already left. I figured I would loop around instead of going back the way I came and ended up riding 16 miles before I got home. FML

#1325
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5743) - you deserved it (15379)

On 01/16/2009 at 4:40am - misc - by Alex - United States (Arizona)



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  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

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