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Today, I went to see the new Harry Potter movie with my boyfriend. Feeling an intense need to pee, he decided to sacrifice a few minutes of the movie before the highly-anticipated final combat to get some relief. He went through the wrong door, locking himself out. Right until the end. FML

by Bisounours / 07/22/2011 at 7:23am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got my wedding photos back. The only decent picture of my husband and me together also featured a fat guy in a crop top behind us. FML

by Anonymous / 01/27/2014 at 3:55pm / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, trying to do something nice for my brother, I filled up his truck's gas tank. I didn't realize until too late that it's a diesel. FML

by Shooting myself / 02/10/2014 at 1:57pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend yelled at me from the other room for washing the dishes "too loudly". FML

by kj1 / 02/17/2014 at 1:28pm / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, I was working at the daycare. As I left with my boyfriend, a kid came up to us and said that my boyfriend could do way better. FML

by unlucky / 09/03/2014 at 1:40pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my ex sent me a pack of beer to screw with me. I'm still going to AA, and I thought I was almost over it. Five bottles later, I realized I'm not. We didn't break up over my drinking, either; it was because after just 2 weeks of dating, she threatened to kill herself if I didn't marry her. FML

by AAnonymous / 11/05/2014 at 8:57am / United States (Utah) / Health

Today, my vegan girlfriend openly admitted that she'd let me die if she had to choose between saving my life or an animal's. She actually seemed confused as to why that upset me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2014 at 8:14pm / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I got a text from my mom shaming me for forgetting my sister's birthday. It isn't her birthday today, it's mine. FML

by secret / 02/14/2015 at 9:10am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I rolled up a newspaper and smashed a huge spider in my room. As I went to scoop it up with a tissue, it lurched away and fell near my bed. I can't find it, but I can sure as fuck sense the pure evil coming from it. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. FML

by farksh / 03/07/2015 at 7:14am / Australia / Animals

Today, my 3-year-old broke his glasses, clogged the toilet with Hot Wheel cars, and covered the whole house with Cheerios. All in a matter of roughly 6 minutes while I was putting laundry away. FML

by mommylife / 04/15/2015 at 12:17am / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I got screamed at to the point of tears by a Starbucks employee for "giving an obviously fake name" to confuse one of the employees. I told her my real name. My name is Ian. FML

by to_complicated_4_u / 05/04/2015 at 12:28pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went down a water slide. Halfway through, I got stuck behind some kids who were blocking the tube. Seconds later, a big-boned lady crashed into my back. Her solution to break the blockade was to start kicking my back repeatedly as hard as she could. The kids still wouldn't move. FML

by ow my kidneys / 07/14/2015 at 6:33am / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called my dad to inform him I was coming home from college for the weekend. Expecting him to be excited, he responded with "why?" This weekend was my birthday. FML

by seb21 / 02/08/2009 at 9:32pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous