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Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML

#20977509
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44322) - you deserved it (5511)

On 12/01/2013 at 9:50pm - kids - by no she wasn't high - United States (Texas)

Today, during school, I passed out in the lunch line and hit my head on the metal rail as I fell. Rather than helping or expressing concern at all, my friends simply left my unconscious body on the floor. Why? They had to get to the lasagna before the cafeteria ran out of it. FML

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

#20970124
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49122) - you deserved it (17733)

On 11/25/2013 at 12:38pm - intimacy - by sister sister - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge argument while driving home from visiting family. We pulled into a gas station, and I went inside to grab a drink and cool down. When I came back out, both car and boyfriend were nowhere in sight. It was my car. FML

Today, my bandmate and I decided to propose to our girlfriends, who are also in the band, at the same time in the middle of a concert. His girlfriend said yes. Mine ran off the stage crying. FML

#20978799
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49897) - you deserved it (5777)

On 12/02/2013 at 10:42pm - love - by rock'n roller (man) -

Today, as I was driving back home from my grandma's, I looked over at the guy in the lane beside me, only to witness him with a sandwich between his teeth and his cock in his free hand. Now I know why I don't leave the city, or even drive, more often. FML

#21006441
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40388) - you deserved it (4156)

On 12/26/2013 at 6:21pm - intimacy - by NNTA (woman) - Netherlands (Limburg)

Today, I had to explain to half of my class that yes, my birthday is on the same day as Hitler's, but no, it does not make me a Nazi. FML

#20981261
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41124) - you deserved it (2739)

On 12/05/2013 at 12:14am - misc - by happy birthday to me (woman) - United States

Today, my mother told her friends that I work as a call girl. I'm a call center agent. FML

#20989169
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38038) - you deserved it (2988)

On 12/11/2013 at 5:25pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Luxembourg

Today, my girlfriend sent her new boyfriend over to my place to break up with me for her. FML

#20990341
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49207) - you deserved it (3144)

On 12/12/2013 at 4:53pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Hawke's Bay)

Today, I used my vaporiser to make my house smell like lavender while I went to work. My brother thought it would be funny to pee inside it. My whole house now smells like pissy lavender. FML

#20993906
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39210) - you deserved it (3536)

On 12/15/2013 at 9:04pm - kids - by lavenderpiss (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, a kid from my school called me, saying he's going on vacation to Japan soon and that since I was born there, I could teach him the language. His exact words at the start of the call were: "Hey man, you speak Asian, right?" I have to be around this shithead 5 days a week. FML

#20992530
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45029) - you deserved it (3707)

On 12/14/2013 at 5:39pm - misc - by bnc (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was admiring a beautiful painting I had hung in my bedroom. My brother kindly pointed out that when flipped upside down, it takes the shape of a lunatic girl with bleeding eyes. Now I can't unsee it. FML

#20994837
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38732) - you deserved it (3845)

On 12/16/2013 at 4:54pm - misc - by nightmarestonite - Canada

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my husband. He responded with, "Well shit, when do these faucets turn on?" and started honking my boobs. FML

#21006112
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39563) - you deserved it (5484)

On 12/26/2013 at 12:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)



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