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Today, at a job interview, I was asked what I thought of twerking. It was a bizarre question, but trying to get on the interviewer's good side, I said I thought it was pretty cool. He snorted and said I'll be job-seeking for a while yet. FML

by howprofessional / 09/06/2013 at 5:23pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, I figured out my 1-year-old daughter likes to dip her hand in our dogs' water bowl, and rub the water on her face. So I put the water bowl out of reach. She then figured out how to open the bathroom door and use the toilet instead. FML

by Water Daughter / 10/13/2013 at 1:51am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my 21st birthday. All my friends and family said they were busy so I figured I was getting a surprise party. Nope. They all were actually busy. I spent my birthday alone. FML

by 00bsg / 12/21/2013 at 10:46am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, trying to do something nice for my brother, I filled up his truck's gas tank. I didn't realize until too late that it's a diesel. FML

by Shooting myself / 02/10/2014 at 1:57pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend yelled at me from the other room for washing the dishes "too loudly". FML

by kj1 / 02/17/2014 at 1:28pm / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, my dad had a chat with my fiancé, telling him he can do better than me, and to think carefully before going through with our wedding. FML

by fuck off, dad / 04/04/2014 at 5:31pm / Colombia / Love

Today, I was working at the daycare. As I left with my boyfriend, a kid came up to us and said that my boyfriend could do way better. FML

by unlucky / 09/03/2014 at 1:40pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I bought a large ice cream cake. No, there's no occasion, but I did ask the cashier to write "Happy Birthday" on it, just so she wouldn't know I was going to eat it all myself. FML

by tbee / 09/05/2014 at 8:13pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my ex sent me a pack of beer to screw with me. I'm still going to AA, and I thought I was almost over it. Five bottles later, I realized I'm not. We didn't break up over my drinking, either; it was because after just 2 weeks of dating, she threatened to kill herself if I didn't marry her. FML

by AAnonymous / 11/05/2014 at 8:57am / United States (Utah) / Health

Today, I accidentally called my boss 'mom'. Now she is jokingly telling everyone that I'm the long-lost daughter she gave up for adoption, because she knew I'd be a failure. FML

by naladetet / 11/23/2014 at 3:31am / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, my vegan girlfriend openly admitted that she'd let me die if she had to choose between saving my life or an animal's. She actually seemed confused as to why that upset me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2014 at 8:14pm / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I got a text from my mom shaming me for forgetting my sister's birthday. It isn't her birthday today, it's mine. FML

by secret / 02/14/2015 at 9:10am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 13-year-old sister told me that she wants to get pregnant soon to stop her periods for a while. I can't believe we're related. FML

by blemarooney / 04/14/2015 at 11:49am / Ireland (Dublin) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.