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Today, after getting back from a year-long world trip, I nearly fell on my knees and cried when I saw boxes of Twinkies at my local gas station. Finding out they were back was the highlight of the year. FML

Today, I realized that I have a rack and butt most girls would be jealous of. That wouldn't be bad if I wasn't a dude. FML

Today, the mother of one of my students bitched me out about her son's poor grades. He lazes around all day, paying no attention and being a constant nuisance. But, she says it's not his fault, and demands that I give him better grades so he won't get "self-esteem" issues. FML

#20870380
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48841) - you deserved it (3204)

On 09/06/2013 at 4:36pm - work - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I woke up and saw that my alarm clock had fallen on the floor. It read 9:05 am. I panicked because I was late for work. As I frantically got ready, I went to pick my alarm clock up to place it back on my nightstand when I realized it was upside down. The actual time was 5:06. FML

#20879453
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40739) - you deserved it (6952)

On 09/13/2013 at 9:24am - misc - by NoorFML (woman) - United States

Today, while at the zoo, I found out that the rhinos there can pee backwards, while standing directly behind one. FML

#20874616
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38408) - you deserved it (4073)

On 09/09/2013 at 4:51pm - animals - by Are you kidding me? - United States (Kansas)

Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML

#20888582
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50741) - you deserved it (11376)

On 09/20/2013 at 12:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, it's my wedding day. Almost a year ago I was in a terrible car accident that nearly left me paralyzed, but I worked my ass off to be able to walk down the aisle. After a lot of blood, sweat, and tears I made it to the big day... and woke up with food poisoning. FML

#20883990
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63547) - you deserved it (2848)

On 09/16/2013 at 5:11pm - health - by somethingblue - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, in French class we had to write love letters as an exercise. Since my boyfriend recently broke up with me by text message, I ended up writing a 20-sentence love letter in French to my cat. FML

#20878541
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44912) - you deserved it (4090)

On 09/12/2013 at 5:24pm - love - by Frenchie - United States (Illinois)

Today, my room mate told all of our mutual friends that he had walked in on me doing woodwork in my room. They all thought he meant he had caught me rubbing one out. I'm actually building a guitar. FML

#20883989
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48827) - you deserved it (3386)

On 09/16/2013 at 5:11pm - intimacy - by I have wood (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I texted a cute picture of my boyfriend and me to my mom, who lives very far away. She replied saying that my Photoshop skills are great, but that I don't need to go so far to pretend that anyone would date me, and that there's no shame in being single at 25. FML

#20899972
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44832) - you deserved it (2884)

On 09/29/2013 at 12:12am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my dad made a big show of sending me to my room and grounding me for a week. Not because he heard me cursing at my video game, but because I "swear like a little girl" and it embarrassed him in front of his friends. FML

#20889957
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37759) - you deserved it (7048)

On 09/21/2013 at 9:10am - misc - by dadyoureacunt (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I watched in horror as my dad picked up a dead centipede, placed it on his tongue, and then swallowed it. FML

#20896754
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39130) - you deserved it (3295)

On 09/26/2013 at 12:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, a coworker at school yelled at one of our students to be quiet. The kid got pretty upset, so I went to comfort him. He held my hand for the rest of the class, telling me in vivid detail how he was going to kill my coworker. Now I'm afraid to look at him. FML

#20903281
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39971) - you deserved it (3237)

On 10/01/2013 at 12:36pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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