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Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She asked if the ring was a temporary thing until I got a better one, saw my dumbfounded face, then played it off as a joke and said yes. I later found out she'd posted on Facebook bitching about the ring, but with the privacy setting set to hide it from me. FML

#20975896
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51437) - you deserved it (4226)

On 11/30/2013 at 3:29pm - love - by fuckface? I wish (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I sang "happy birthday" to my best friend. Sadly, it was while waitressing at work, where they were having a celebration I hadn't been invited to in the first place. FML

#21024621
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48525) - you deserved it (3385)

On 01/11/2014 at 3:26pm - misc - by left out - United States (Ohio)

Today, my fifteen year old son decided to tell his little five year old sister that Santa isn't real. She now refuses to talk to any of us and thinks "her whole life is a lie". FML

#20983553
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40120) - you deserved it (6015)

On 12/07/2013 at 2:17am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I called the police to report that my car had been keyed. I remember going to a bar last night and getting drunk. A surveillance camera revealed that after my drunken self couldn't unlock the door to my car, I punched the door and hurt my fist so bad that I keyed my own car. FML

#20977883
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17642) - you deserved it (46822)

On 12/02/2013 at 1:41am - misc - by car keyer (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend told me I'm beautiful. Before I could thank him, he continued, "Too bad it takes a shit-load of makeup." FML

#20986609
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40955) - you deserved it (6253)

On 12/09/2013 at 5:41pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, as a pickup line, a guy said to me, "Yo, can I kiss your vag' under the mistletoe?" FML

#20985559
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43731) - you deserved it (3364)

On 12/08/2013 at 9:21pm - intimacy - by mistletoe (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend sent her new boyfriend over to my place to break up with me for her. FML

#20990341
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46328) - you deserved it (2590)

On 12/12/2013 at 4:53pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Hawke's Bay)

Today, for my 18th birthday my mum gave me a black lace thong. I'm a guy. FML

#20992659
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36455) - you deserved it (3200)

On 12/14/2013 at 7:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, as I was driving back home from my grandma's, I looked over at the guy in the lane beside me, only to witness him with a sandwich between his teeth and his cock in his free hand. Now I know why I don't leave the city, or even drive, more often. FML

#21006441
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33568) - you deserved it (3065)

On 12/26/2013 at 6:21pm - intimacy - by NNTA (woman) - Netherlands (Limburg)

Today, I decided to light a lantern and watch it fly with my girlfriend after midnight. The neighbor's tree caught fire. FML

#21012276
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34803) - you deserved it (11096)

On 01/01/2014 at 12:17am - misc - by claubea11 - Puerto Rico

Today, a kid from my school called me, saying he's going on vacation to Japan soon and that since I was born there, I could teach him the language. His exact words at the start of the call were: "Hey man, you speak Asian, right?" I have to be around this shithead 5 days a week. FML

#20992530
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41865) - you deserved it (3439)

On 12/14/2013 at 5:39pm - misc - by bnc (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was admiring a beautiful painting I had hung in my bedroom. My brother kindly pointed out that when flipped upside down, it takes the shape of a lunatic girl with bleeding eyes. Now I can't unsee it. FML

#20994837
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36655) - you deserved it (3416)

On 12/16/2013 at 4:54pm - misc - by nightmarestonite - Canada

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time, after he repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me. He passed out halfway through. FML

#21002524
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42612) - you deserved it (4545)

On 12/23/2013 at 2:13pm - intimacy - by JoshuasGirl (woman) - United States (Michigan)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

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  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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