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Today, I dried my hands on the same towel I used this morning to wipe up a few shards of glass. You can't see the small splinters in my hands, but believe me, I can feel them. FML

by Anonymous / 03/04/2011 at 12:18pm / Germany (Schleswig-Holstein) / Health

Today, it was my friend's 18th birthday. She had invited us out drinking. I've never had alcohol before and was very excited. I got a call explaining that she had invited one too many and asked me not to come. People bragging on facebook about what a great time they were having didn't help either. FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 2:20am / United Kingdom (York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I forced myself into work with severe laryngitis. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, except I work at candy and ice cream store at a major tourist destination. For seven hours I had to communicate with unsympathetic adults and screaming, bratty kids by miming and using a dry erase board. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2011 at 7:29pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, my elderly neighbor used his snowblower to send all of the fallen leaves in his yard into mine, which I'd raked earlier that morning. FML

by leaf hater / 11/17/2011 at 7:43am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out I have to give my father-in-law back the football tickets he gave me for my birthday. Why? His girlfriend decided she wanted to go. He didn't get me a different gift. FML

by Sal / 12/05/2011 at 1:57am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got an early Valentine's day card. My boyfriend and I recently broke up, and my hopes shot up thinking it might be from him. It wasn't. It was from my parents. FML

by Arp / 02/04/2012 at 3:46pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, was the first day of my new job. My boss admitted that they hadn't cleaned the employee bathroom for over two months. My first task: clean the employee bathroom. FML

by LesToiliettes / 03/25/2012 at 3:12am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, my boss made me work a longer shift than usual. Not because he needed me in, but just so I'd finish at the same time as his brat of a son, and give him a lift home. FML

by Mug / 04/24/2012 at 4:15pm / United Kingdom / Work

Today, I gave my puppy a treat for finally doing his business in the grass instead of on the patio. He later puked it up all over the patio. FML

by missmisfit / 06/13/2012 at 12:14am / Canada (Quebec) / Animals

Today, while giving a lecture on gender equality in the workplace, a woman yelled from the back, asking me why I'm not out starting a war somewhere. I stopped talking and tried to pinpoint her in the crowd, which she took as a sign to snort and call me a pussy. Nobody would back me up. FML

by Anonymous / 11/18/2012 at 1:40pm / Latvia (Riga) / Work

Today, after a very heartfelt conversation with my mother, I promised her that I'd quit smoking. I walked in on her smoking my cigarettes an hour later. Her excuse was that she didn't want my money to have gone to waste. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2013 at 7:46pm / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I realised in the middle of my shift how useless my deodorant is in the stifling heatwave spreading through my country. It's no longer effective against my awful B.O., which is a problem because I'm a mascot, and my costume traps the smell inside like a portable toilet. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2013 at 5:13pm / Australia / Work

Today, a co-worker invited me to go out for lunch with him. I politely declined, saying I had too many errands to do. The truth is that I'm just too broke. I'll be buying myself a burrito using quarters I found on the floor of my car. FML

by AKGrace / 02/21/2013 at 3:45pm / United States (Alaska) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.