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Today, I had to sit for an hour listening to my girlfriend talk to her ex about his testicles. She laughed more during that conversation than she ever has with me. FML

by aftermath1991 / 09/03/2009 at 3:23am / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Love

Today, there was a fire alarm in my dorm. Just as I was leaving my room, a lady in the hallway told me that it was a drill and they'd be inspecting rooms, so I would need to leave my door unlocked. When I came back, my room was trashed and my laptop, speakers, and jewelry were gone. FML

by zzyx / 09/21/2009 at 11:19pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my arm. I went into hospital to get it put in a cast, but still went into school afterwards. I got written up for truancy because I didn't have a doctor's note. The cast was still on my arm. FML

by London / 09/18/2009 at 4:06am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working as a plain clothes police officer, I witnessed a fight in a front yard. My partner and I intervened and clearly identified ourselves as police. Unfortunately, the two guys' mother didn't have her hearing aid in, and hit my arm with a baseball bat. FML

by Undercover / 10/12/2009 at 4:38am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I had to write a huge lab for my physics class. It's worth my entire quarter grade and I use a program on a CD for graphing. My mom thought it was a computer game and hid the CD. She can't find it. The lab's due tomorrow. FML

by Bento / 10/05/2009 at 1:27am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to see my guidance counselor. I was supposed to hear from my college about a scholarship by October 3rd. I was worried since it was already the 2nd so I went to talk to her. She never turned in my nomination. Goodbye $80,000 scholarship. FML

by Screwed / 10/03/2009 at 12:37am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was participating in an exercise in my psychology class to describe this horrible looking person I had never seen before and I described the person as a "rebellious, drug dealing, lowlife". The person in that picture turned out to be my teacher. FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2009 at 9:39am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, there was an earthquake. Good news: the only damage was a tree fell on some loser's car. Bad news: that loser was me. FML

by Jo / 10/25/2009 at 11:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my future father-in-law, a respectable New England gentleman, bought me an $8,000 viola and bow for our engagement. I was so surprised that I spit a glass of wine from a 60 year old bottle all over his custom-tailored suit. He was not happy. FML

by Mr.Viola / 06/20/2010 at 2:42am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was shopping at a store from which I had previously bought a shirt. The clerk accused me of trying to steal my own shirt and called security. They examined it and argued with me for so long I was late to work. FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2010 at 5:34pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I ordered a pizza online to be delivered to my apartment. After an hour of waiting, I called the pizza place to ask what the problem was. Apparently, the people at the apartment below me took my already paid for pizza and ate it. FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 5:34pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Money

Today, my boyfriend moved. He moved from my room... to my housemate's room. FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 5:50pm / France / Love

Today, I was riding my motorcycle on the highway and wearing all of my gear - boots, gloves, jacket, and full-face helmet. Somehow a bee found the only spot not covered on my body and stung my neck. I'm allergic to bees. FML

by Brandon Butler / 03/04/2011 at 4:22am / Health