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Today, my two-year-old daughter's favourite word is 'No'. After leaving her with my sixteen-year-old brother, she now knows other N words as well. Niet, Nein, Non and Never. Her teenage uncle thinks it's hilarious. FML

#21240415
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36553) - you deserved it (6065)

On 08/18/2014 at 9:26am - kids - by 919191 (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, it was a hot day and a woman walking in front of me collapsed. I helped her up, and I called an ambulance while she laid down. While we waited, two teenage girls walked past and I heard one say to the other, "I love how this city just lets people tan wherever". FML

#21237053
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40645) - you deserved it (2920)

On 08/13/2014 at 11:02pm - kids - by Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML

#21241090
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42209) - you deserved it (5982)

On 08/19/2014 at 4:46pm - health - by humdrummitydrum (woman) - United States

Today, at my father's funeral, they were playing the song from Phantom of the Opera where she sings about her lost father. Apparently the song organizer forgot to edit out the part where her romantic interest runs toward her and yells, "That... That THING is not your father!" FML

#21245330
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35737) - you deserved it (2617)

On 08/25/2014 at 7:55pm - misc - by NotThePhantom - United States (California)

Today, while finally about to make love with my long term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

#21249014
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47703) - you deserved it (5394)

On 08/31/2014 at 11:14am - intimacy - by anon - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that when I asked my buddy to make sure my girlfriend was safe while I was abroad, he really did; he even used a condom. FML

#21268339
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43757) - you deserved it (3996)

On 09/30/2014 at 1:45pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went on Facebook, only to see my grandpa had posted "feeling horny" with my grandma. FML

#21261512
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37178) - you deserved it (3703)

On 09/19/2014 at 10:27pm - misc - by failingdaily - New Zealand (Hawke's Bay)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position. Once again, our cat decided to crawl onto his back and stare at me. FML

#21276776
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36286) - you deserved it (5246)

On 10/13/2014 at 6:20am - intimacy - by Drafrica (woman) - South Africa

Today, I showed my mom a picture of a baby sloth. She then said, "Wait, sloths are real?" She thought Ice Age made them up. FML

#21273306
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36403) - you deserved it (3063)

On 10/08/2014 at 2:02am - animals - by queenmeme - United States (California)

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

#21288518
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28658) - you deserved it (24058)

On 10/30/2014 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend found out that I secretly watch porn while she sleeps, but she seemed to be fine with it. That's until the next day, when she got on my Facebook account and publicly shared every porn page I visit. My father even commented, "Poor choice in porn, son". FML

#21311373
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30257) - you deserved it (12836)

On 12/04/2014 at 11:31am - misc - by Red (man) -

Today, I asked out the girl of my dreams. She was so excited that she had a severe asthma attack and ended up in hospital. Her answer was yes, but her parents won't let me anywhere near her now. They say I'm lucky they haven't sued me for "trying to kill her". FML

#21312768
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40012) - you deserved it (2258)

On 12/06/2014 at 7:56pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, a girl from class screamed at me in public for hugging the guy she likes. She threatened to take me out if I didn't "back off". That guy is my boyfriend. FML

#21333251
112 comments


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