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Today, I used my vaporiser to make my house smell like lavender while I went to work. My brother thought it would be funny to pee inside it. My whole house now smells like pissy lavender. FML

#20993906
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39145) - you deserved it (3532)

On 12/15/2013 at 9:04pm - kids - by lavenderpiss (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, a kid from my school called me, saying he's going on vacation to Japan soon and that since I was born there, I could teach him the language. His exact words at the start of the call were: "Hey man, you speak Asian, right?" I have to be around this shithead 5 days a week. FML

#20992530
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43372) - you deserved it (3563)

On 12/14/2013 at 5:39pm - misc - by bnc (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was admiring a beautiful painting I had hung in my bedroom. My brother kindly pointed out that when flipped upside down, it takes the shape of a lunatic girl with bleeding eyes. Now I can't unsee it. FML

#20994837
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38668) - you deserved it (3839)

On 12/16/2013 at 4:54pm - misc - by nightmarestonite - Canada

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my husband. He responded with, "Well shit, when do these faucets turn on?" and started honking my boobs. FML

#21006112
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37471) - you deserved it (5217)

On 12/26/2013 at 12:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I went on a blind date. The first thing the guy did was ask if I knew what it felt like to have spiders crawl out of my vagina. FML

#21044324
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50857) - you deserved it (5485)

On 01/29/2014 at 5:14pm - love - by riiiight (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my girlfriend told me that she is pregnant. I asked how it could be possible, since she's on birth control. She said she didn't know her antibiotics would interfere with it. She's a pharmacist. FML

#21024822
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59949) - you deserved it (8159)

On 01/11/2014 at 7:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for another guy. Last week, she wrote sweet things like "Love you forever" and "Light of my life" on my arm cast. I have to wait two more weeks until it's taken off. FML

#21017924
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45921) - you deserved it (3545)

On 01/05/2014 at 2:44pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)

Today, I was getting ready for a night out with the girls, and without any hint of trickery, just wanting an honest answer, I asked my boyfriend how I looked in the dress I chose. He immediately dropped to his knees, yelled, "NOOOOOOOOO!" and calmly left the room. FML

#21024776
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37807) - you deserved it (8290)

On 01/11/2014 at 6:13pm - misc - by -_-" (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, it was my first day at my new school. I've never been the new girl before, so I asked my best friend for advice. She said, "Whatever you do, do not, under any circumstances, be yourself." FML

#21029148
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44895) - you deserved it (5140)

On 01/15/2014 at 8:57pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at my new boyfriend's house, and he was taking a shower. I had to take a crap real bad, but his apartment only has the one bathroom. I couldn't wait for him to finish, and ended having to shit in a plastic bag. FML

#21044466
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49964) - you deserved it (21922)

On 01/29/2014 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she found some lesbian porn on my computer. Her reasoning? That I must secretly be gay. FML

#21042109
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46926) - you deserved it (10721)

On 01/27/2014 at 6:32pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, the guy I was sexting asked me to stop including my face in the pictures. FML

#21050596
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49415) - you deserved it (20119)

On 02/04/2014 at 7:41pm - intimacy - by khfhjfsb (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom announced to everyone that she wants at least ten grandchildren. I'm an only child. FML



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