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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

#21288518
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28600) - you deserved it (24014)

On 10/30/2014 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I came home late from work. As I got out of my car, I noticed a child-shaped silhouette in my bedroom window. I almost shat myself, since I live alone. I searched the whole house, sobbing in fear, only to find no trace of whatever or whoever I'd seen. FML

#21306286
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38252) - you deserved it (3158)

On 11/26/2014 at 3:45pm - misc - by void bowels() { cry(); } (man) - United Kingdom (Caerphilly)

Today, my girlfriend found out that I secretly watch porn while she sleeps, but she seemed to be fine with it. That's until the next day, when she got on my Facebook account and publicly shared every porn page I visit. My father even commented, "Poor choice in porn, son". FML

#21311373
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30240) - you deserved it (12832)

On 12/04/2014 at 11:31am - misc - by Red (man) -

Today, I asked out the girl of my dreams. She was so excited that she had a severe asthma attack and ended up in hospital. Her answer was yes, but her parents won't let me anywhere near her now. They say I'm lucky they haven't sued me for "trying to kill her". FML

#21312768
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39981) - you deserved it (2256)

On 12/06/2014 at 7:56pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I signed into my online class, got bored, and took off my headphones to argue with my roommates about anal sex. At the end of the argument, I put my headphones back on to hear my professor asking if someone could call me to tell me to turn my damn mic off. FML

Today, I had a one night stand. After holding in my farts all night as is done, I decided enough was enough and to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out instead I shit myself in her bed. I was naked at the time so was unable to hide it. FML

#21346279
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29086) - you deserved it (12862)

On 01/29/2015 at 4:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I tried to sell 2,000 options contracts, but I bought them instead, resulting in a big loss. FML

#586
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6143) - you deserved it (19179)

On 12/24/2008 at 6:23am - work - by Dope - United States (New York)

Today, I get home and there's a package waiting for me. I ordered something online 2 weeks ago for a girl I like. She's not available anymore. No refunds. FML

#1976
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16970) - you deserved it (4703)

On 01/21/2009 at 1:59am - love - by Dudeman5000 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had to walk home from school in the rain, because my mom "didn't have a car to pick me up in". But when I got home, the car had magically appeared. Just great. FML

#2319
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18659) - you deserved it (1932)

On 01/23/2009 at 10:18am - misc - by blahmina - United States (California)

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work, and in my car I had two drinks settled down in my cup holder. One was my coffee, and the other was an unfinished cup of coffee where I ash and toss my cigarettes. FML

#2590
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4605) - you deserved it (24318)

On 01/25/2009 at 9:38pm - misc - by smoker - United States (California)

Today, me and a friend I met in the club were sandwiching this blonde girl dancing, when 5 minutes later she turned around and said that I should get another girl and gently brushed me aside. FML

#3194
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5928) - you deserved it (22726)

On 01/28/2009 at 7:32pm - misc - by Owned - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)

Today, I drove to my university to pick up forms and books. When I parked at 2:58 there was 30 mins on the meter. I returned at 3:32 only to find a parking ticket issued at 3:31. The worst part is, the books were not available until next week and I could've got the forms online. FML

#2149
11 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17030) - you deserved it (3813)

On 01/22/2009 at 5:48am - misc - by unifail - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, I misplaced my wallet. Fortunately, I knew exactly where it was. Unfortunately, I had just taken out the only form of picture ID that morning. I couldn't stop the finders from laughing as they saw my fake celebrity entertainment ID while I tried to convince them it was actually my wallet. FML

#6377589
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7192) - you deserved it (14247)

On 11/20/2009 at 4:36am - misc - by starstruck (woman) - Sent from mobile version



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