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Today, I fell off a ladder while building a shelter for one of my wife's horses. I think I broke some ribs. I absolutely hate horses. FML

by CessnaPilot / 12/12/2011 at 10:47pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, a co-worker gave me a couple of CDs he said he wanted me to listen to. I got excited, thinking that they were playlists he'd made for me. They were self-help tracks. FML

by The Last Cockbender / 10/06/2012 at 1:09pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work

Today, I bought a new armband to hold my iPhone while working out so I can listen to music and I was excited to start getting in shape. Unfortunately, when I tried it on, my arm was too big and it didn't fit. FML

by joe / 11/18/2012 at 10:13pm / United States (Maryland) / Health

Today, I went to work at a hotel. One of the guests decided to play the piano in the lobby. He's deaf. Unfortunately, I'm not. FML

by torturedears / 04/05/2013 at 12:20am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I had a lunch meeting with important people from my company. While drinking from my wine glass someone cracked a joke, causing me to snort a fountain of wine all over my lap, splashing the people next to me. The horrified look on my boss's face sitting opposite me said everything. FML

by Anonymous / 04/08/2013 at 4:30am / Work

Today, the vet sent me an email wishing my kitten a happy 2nd birthday. My cat died last year. FML

by Tiber46 / 05/26/2013 at 4:33am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I got my period 2 days early, while being interviewed for my dream job. Let's just say that I don't have very high hopes after walking backwards to the exit door and falling down upon colliding with the wall. FML

by faulty plumbimg! / 08/31/2013 at 8:14am / India / Health

Today, a street preacher got on my metro car and gave a long, loud speech about how we sinful, polluted congressional staffers must inform our bosses that choosing a homosexual lifestyle was like trading your soul for soup. We got stuck in a tunnel for thirty minutes. FML

by CapitolSouthSux / 09/19/2013 at 8:54am / United States / Transportation

Today, my dad and I had a yelling match about me "lying", because I was unable to contact iTunes support without a phone number. To prove a point, he went online to find the phone number. It's been an hour and he's still searching for the number. I can't leave the table until he has found it. FML

by SeriouslyDad / 09/22/2013 at 9:57am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, while cleaning tables at the fast food place where I work, I had to remove two human teeth from a table top. FML

by pancakessdsjsn / 09/27/2013 at 2:04am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was at the dentist. I ended up having some work done and left with a numb mouth. I have school pictures in less than 2 hours and I can neither smile nor stop drooling everywhere. FML

by soccer_bball / 10/14/2013 at 3:32pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, my grandma commented on my Facebook profile picture: "That's a great photo! It doesn't look anything like you!" FML

by oh / 12/06/2013 at 4:20pm / Denmark (Midtjylland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I did a bike ride and run with a gent I'm serious about. On the run, I had a big lead until he passed me up saying, "I'm going to marry you." Puzzled that he would propose and then sprint away leaving me trailing, he clarified at the finish. His words: "I'm going to bury you." FML

by Babs / 01/02/2014 at 8:17am / United States (California) / Love