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Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I guess she got bored because she started looking at her nails. FML

#21000013
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46443) - you deserved it (12508)

On 12/21/2013 at 9:13am - intimacy - by anon - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband cracked a "rectum? damn near killed him" joke at my grandfather's funeral. He had genuinely spoken without thinking, but his quick gasp and "Oh shit" sounded quite sarcastic. We were both kicked out. My family thinks I put him up to the whole thing. FML

#21062405
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41228) - you deserved it (4567)

On 02/16/2014 at 12:30pm - misc - by shanti (woman) -

Today, I got back from a two-week vacation. During my vacation, I had a friend from work watch my puppy. My puppy now likes him more than me, and won't stop whining sadly since he left. FML

#21081418
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42040) - you deserved it (7687)

On 03/08/2014 at 3:06pm - animals - by chuchundra (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend turned down a job that would have more than doubled his income because he didn't want to upset his current boss by quitting. FML

Today, I locked myself out of my dorm room. I walked across campus, shoe-less and in nothing but my bathrobe, to find someone who could let me back in. Turns out I hadn't even shut the door properly and so it never actually locked. I can still hear the guy laughing at me. FML

#21120721
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37408) - you deserved it (13744)

On 04/23/2014 at 10:54am - misc - by killmenow (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I fell asleep with my luggage at a bus terminal. Upon waking up, I found that someone had opened my bags and stolen all my socks. FML

#21255144
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38803) - you deserved it (7490)

On 09/09/2014 at 4:23pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, my boyfriend pretended to be reading braille while touching my chest acne. FML

#21295903
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42805) - you deserved it (7254)

On 11/10/2014 at 12:01am - intimacy - by annababyyyy - United States (Maryland)

Today, my neighbor showed me footage of my 7-year-old son spraying his beloved rose garden with weed killer. The whole garden is dead as fuck, and I'm now being taken to small claims court. FML

#21311905
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34109) - you deserved it (7297)

On 12/05/2014 at 8:44am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found out my girlfriend and all of our friends have begun referring to the time I was meant to lose my virginity, but couldn't get hard, as the "cheese stick incident." They all think it's hilarious, and the worst part is that it's actually a pretty appropriate description. FML

#21319860
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34555) - you deserved it (4721)

On 12/18/2014 at 5:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, at work, I gave a piece of candy to a co-worker I have a crush on. She looked at me weirdly and walked away. I then remembered that my friend wrote "penis" on the wrapper. FML

#21314853
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33314) - you deserved it (8242)

On 12/10/2014 at 3:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found out why my wife has been cold and distant lately. She went to a psycho fraudster - sorry, I mean "psychic medium" - who said I'm lusting after other women and am thinking about leaving her. She actually believed him. Now I'm considering leaving her for real. Well played, I guess. FML

#21312671
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34521) - you deserved it (3416)

On 12/06/2014 at 4:52pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Belgium

Today, my classmate said I looked better without makeup. Well, her exact words were, "You look like less of a whore without makeup." FML

Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML

#21341346
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33199) - you deserved it (2746)

On 01/20/2015 at 11:29pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)



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