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Today, I arrived at my college dorm. To help me sleep, I listened to my local radio from my phone. Little did I know, they turn off the wifi for part of the night, and hours of music were streamed onto my phone. Guess who now owes the phone company all my money. FML

by OweLotsaMoney / 09/05/2013 at 11:49am / United States / Money

Today, my girlfriend came home with a huge bouquet of roses. They were from an admirer, brainwashing her to think I'm a terrible boyfriend for not buying her flowers like he did. FML

by Oh hells no / 09/16/2013 at 3:26am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I guess she got bored because she started looking at her nails. FML

by anon / 12/21/2013 at 9:13am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my husband cracked a "rectum? damn near killed him" joke at my grandfather's funeral. He had genuinely spoken without thinking, but his quick gasp and "Oh shit" sounded quite sarcastic. We were both kicked out. My family thinks I put him up to the whole thing. FML

by shanti / 02/16/2014 at 12:30pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I got back from a two-week vacation. During my vacation, I had a friend from work watch my puppy. My puppy now likes him more than me, and won't stop whining sadly since he left. FML

by chuchundra / 03/08/2014 at 3:06pm / United States / Animals

Today, my boyfriend turned down a job that would have more than doubled his income because he didn't want to upset his current boss by quitting. FML

by heartmytrucker / 04/14/2014 at 5:58pm / United States (Tennessee) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I locked myself out of my dorm room. I walked across campus, shoe-less and in nothing but my bathrobe, to find someone who could let me back in. Turns out I hadn't even shut the door properly and so it never actually locked. I can still hear the guy laughing at me. FML

by killmenow / 04/23/2014 at 10:54am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband suggested we get divorced, "for tax purposes". FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2014 at 2:43pm / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, I got into THE party of the year. Too bad it was the party my daughter was throwing while her father and I were out of town. FML

by jessicab72 / 05/15/2014 at 4:38pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I fell asleep with my luggage at a bus terminal. Upon waking up, I found that someone had opened my bags and stolen all my socks. FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2014 at 4:23pm / Transportation

Today, I confronted my boyfriend after I found him cheating on me with my best friend. It ended up with me apologising for spying on him. FML

by Turnaround / 11/07/2014 at 7:28am / Love

Today, I found out that the girl on Facebook that helped me out of my sadness after my break-up and who I'd hopelessly fallen in love with was just a prank by my ex-girlfriend. FML

by facebookdeception / 10/31/2014 at 12:25am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love

Today, my boyfriend pretended to be reading braille while touching my chest acne. FML

by annababyyyy / 11/10/2014 at 12:01am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy