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Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

#14357
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34255) - you deserved it (6697)

On 02/08/2009 at 12:39am - misc - by scatter00x (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with a cute bridesmaid. Then this old guy decides to give the newlyweds a toast. He made a crappy joke and barely anybody laughed. So I say to the girl, "Wow that sucked, who the hell does he think he is?" The girl replies, "That's my dad". FML

#1223520
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12377) - you deserved it (71252)

On 04/22/2009 at 2:24pm - misc - by derranged - China (Tianjin)

Today, I went to see Terminator. Not wanting to spend an outrageous amount of money at the concession stand, I sneaked a Dr. Pepper into the theater. I thought I had gotten away with it, until I opened the bottle and it exploded all over me and four other people that I didn't know. FML

#2298945
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14617) - you deserved it (51079)

On 05/26/2009 at 12:51am - misc - by embarrassed (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to my long-distance boyfriend's party. His best friend was talking to me and trying to make conversation, he asked, "So, are you two official?" I responded with a definite yes, but was cut off mid-word by my boyfriend, who quickly said, "No, not really." Sorry, I wasn't aware, darling. FML

#14329379
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31581) - you deserved it (4133)

On 12/24/2010 at 11:59pm - love - by xrebeccalou (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend telling me to be romantic, I decided to make a romantic bath for us, complete with oil bath beads. After we get ready to take the bath, she puts her hand in the water and says she won't get it because 'it feels slimy'. I enjoyed a romantic bath alone. FML

#13978523
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29579) - you deserved it (3794)

On 11/25/2010 at 7:55pm - love - by TheCrackerNinja - United States (Texas)

Today, I was giving a tour for parents who wanted to send their kids to our school. One of the parents had a kid on crutches with what appeared to be a broken leg, so I asked him how he broke it. He replied, "I was born like this." FML

#14146876
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29699) - you deserved it (6327)

On 12/09/2010 at 8:59pm - misc - by kayin - United Kingdom

Today, I took a nap because I've been sick for the past week and I was exhausted. When I woke up, my hair, shirt, pillow, and bedsheets were soaked. I threw up all over myself in my sleep. FML

#14095720
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33964) - you deserved it (3121)

On 12/05/2010 at 1:25pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Singapore

Today, I was on my hour long bus ride home with a full bladder. Right as the bus reached my stop, the time I spent holding it in was over. I didn't make it out of the aisle before I peed my pants. FML

#13145145
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26356) - you deserved it (7200)

On 09/21/2010 at 6:16pm - health - by forgotten (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, the highlight of my day was learning how to drain my dog's anal glands. FML

#15697918
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28964) - you deserved it (4474)

On 04/08/2011 at 6:48pm - misc - by tbright010 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found cigarette butts at the bottom of the toaster. My mother has been dropping them in there for I don't know how long. FML

#16613518
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34340) - you deserved it (3233)

On 06/11/2011 at 4:36pm - misc - by Macy (woman) - Italy (Lazio)

Today, after spending 8 months and $11,000 on school, I was denied a job in my chosen career field. They told me they decided to go with someone with more experience. So who got the job? One of my classmates. This is her first job. EVER. FML

#16053406
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36077) - you deserved it (3596)

On 05/05/2011 at 2:54am - misc - by alphafoxy21 - United States (Alaska)

Today, while I was at work, a co-worker watched while some kid stole the radio out of my car. FML

#17282726
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30096) - you deserved it (2596)

On 07/28/2011 at 12:34am - work - by cocokiss410 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found out that guys will only flirt with me when they're drunk, and even then only when they realize that my best friend is out of their league. FML

#20093311
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22495) - you deserved it (2332)

On 09/29/2012 at 7:16am - love - by kfenton - United States



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