Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my little brother told me to give him my phone so he could play a game on it. I said no, because I was taking a call from a friend at the time. He then walked over to the wall, headbutted it, burst into tears, then told my parents that I punched him. They believed him. FML

#20830944
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51017) - you deserved it (3407)

On 08/10/2013 at 4:56pm - kids - by rachel (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I was waiting in line with my boyfriend behind me. I decided to hold his hand and rub his chest while we waited. Then I heard a female voice behind me that said, "Ma'am, please don't touch me." FML

#20852134
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40683) - you deserved it (15147)

On 08/24/2013 at 11:18am - misc - by cpmolly (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I learned that when a heavily-pregnant friend asks about my progress with the baby socks I promised to knit, it's rather unwise to tell her, "Not to worry, we're set even if it comes out with a few feet too many." She's still crying. FML

#20850650
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40428) - you deserved it (11200)

On 08/23/2013 at 10:12am - misc - by Demotivation (woman) - Germany

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with another man. Her main reaction was to get mad at me for not knocking. FML

#20893002
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57782) - you deserved it (4611)

On 09/23/2013 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my car window got smashed, because someone somehow confused the doll my daughter always leaves strapped into a carseat for an actual kid. It's a cabbage patch kid. FML

#20867513
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46616) - you deserved it (3672)

On 09/04/2013 at 2:10pm - kids - by mother to an ugly doll - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML

#20874714
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42388) - you deserved it (11455)

On 09/09/2013 at 6:05pm - misc - by heyhijello - United States (California)

Today, I waited in the pouring rain for my wife to come pick me up from work. It was only after I was thoroughly drenched that I remembered it was my wife's day off, and that I drove myself to work earlier in her car, which was parked fifty feet from where I was waiting. FML

#20883919
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37447) - you deserved it (40448)

On 09/16/2013 at 4:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I tried to get my golden retriever to stand in front of our church for a very short time to illustrate the point of a sermon. When I brought my dog up, he mounted the pastor's leg and began humping him. FML

#20873553
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37701) - you deserved it (8974)

On 09/08/2013 at 9:42pm - animals - by sillydoggy - United States

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old daughter holding a lit lighter to the underside of a spoon, which was full of baking powder. She was trying to breathe in the fumes to get high, and later confessed that she thought it's how heroin is made and used. FML

#20879909
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45243) - you deserved it (5445)

On 09/13/2013 at 5:40pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

#20906275
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35361) - you deserved it (29761)

On 10/03/2013 at 6:46pm - intimacy - by Kyra.45 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, at work as a cashier, I was scanning cantaloupes. The man buying them then looked me straight in the eye and said, "Nice melons." FML

#20900810
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34086) - you deserved it (4439)

On 09/29/2013 at 5:12pm - work - by Nice Melons (woman) - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML

#20890231
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38494) - you deserved it (3715)

On 09/21/2013 at 2:10pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while I was working, someone came in and attempted to purchase GTA 5 with a medical marijuana card. FML

#20892589
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38219) - you deserved it (3047)

On 09/23/2013 at 2:15am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Sidonie's illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! In this week's edition, some pedalos, some kittens, a bunch of gypsy singers, some ponytails, a crooner, a house that looks like Hitler, a joke about George W. Bush's cocaine habit and a brilliant…

Thursday 19 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: