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Today, my girlfriend and I went out for ice cream. We somehow started talking about which of our relatives had died. Right when she was talking about how her grandfather had died, I started laughing. She had gotten ice cream all over her face. She broke up with me. FML

by your mother / 10/13/2010 at 5:02am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was late for work and got chewed out by my boss. To console myself I decided to drink a cup of coffee and a cup of tea. My work provides this for free. When I did, my boss told me that in fact it wasn't, nor has it ever been, free; all this time I've been stealing other people's coffee. FML

by Anonymous / 11/12/2010 at 7:07am / Sweden (Hallands Lan) / Work

Today, I got my phone fixed and the lady who was working on it somehow resent all the old text messages in my outbox. One was to my ex saying "I love you." FML

by Anonymous / 01/26/2011 at 9:53pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, during my second day as a receptionist, every time the phone rang I jumped in shock. My co-workers now already think I'm weird. FML

by Robyn / 10/04/2011 at 5:35am / Ireland / Work

Today, I hit a new low when I caught myself eating the chocolates that were meant to be part of my boyfriend's Christmas presents. FML

by Username / 12/16/2011 at 1:31am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I learned that my "cash back rewards" for credit card purchases are mailed with the monthly statement. The same monthly statement that goes straight into the shredder or fireplace because I prefer to do my banking online. FML

by twiggy24 / 02/04/2012 at 9:51pm / United States (Kentucky) / Money

Today, I learned that shaving while feeling upset is a very bad idea. FML

by Anonymous / 05/22/2012 at 6:35am / Philippines / Health

Today, while in bed, I tried to explain how overworked and unappreciated I feel doing all the housework to my fiancé. It was only when I'd finished my long rant that I realized he had been asleep almost the whole time. FML

by Ladycakes / 06/04/2012 at 6:13am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I went to a concert. One of my favorite bands was performing, and I'd had the ticket for seven months, with a great seat for the show. It was all going perfectly, that is until a guy twice my height sat in front of me. FML

by anonymous / 06/13/2012 at 12:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I fell asleep while on the toilet at work. When I woke up, I tried to quietly sneak back to my desk, only to be caught by my boss. He immediately sent me packing and gave his "best wishes" for me in the unemployment line. FML

by XoXonedirectionXoXo / 06/23/2012 at 6:21pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, my mother met my boyfriend. She thought it would be appropriate to tell him that he looks just like my ex-husband. FML

by Anonymous / 06/28/2012 at 8:08am / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss got angry at me because my English is better than his. He accused me of trying to steal his management position, and implied that I'll be lucky if I still have a job by the end of the month. FML

by zoosmell pooplord / 09/02/2012 at 3:41pm / Norway (Buskerud) / Work

Today, I paid a locksmith $100 after I locked myself out of my apartment. All he did was hit it, and it flung open. It wasn't locked, it'd just got stuck. FML

by stuck / 11/07/2012 at 10:00am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money