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Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me straight in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid for the rest of the summer. FML

#20662885
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46209) - you deserved it (3608)

On 05/14/2013 at 12:48pm - work - by sumhub94 - United States

Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation. I have to share a room with two other girls who are also having bowel problems. We're all on strong laxatives, and there's apparently only one bathroom in this place. FML

#20613283
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47374) - you deserved it (3048)

On 04/22/2013 at 3:10pm - health - by shatMyself - United States

Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML

#20598610
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58600) - you deserved it (5690)

On 04/17/2013 at 2:14am - love - by rawdoglyfe69 - United States (Montana)

Today, my long-distance girlfriend drunk dialed me and told me she was horny. Surprised, I exclaimed, "You're horny?" without realizing my boss was right next to me. FML

#20604222
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49715) - you deserved it (21811)

On 04/19/2013 at 2:00am - intimacy - by Wallz99 (man) - Pakistan (Azad Kashmir)

Today, I got cut from my track team. My coach told me it was because my sprints were "too fast" for his liking. Huh? FML

#20602567
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53995) - you deserved it (3596)

On 04/18/2013 at 4:34pm - misc - by bhnja_ (man) - Philippines (Mandaue)

Today, I realized how tiny my apartment is, when I was able to vacuum from bedroom to bathroom through the living room without switching the power outlet from the one in the kitchen. I pay a fortune to live in this shoebox. FML

#20608013
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41747) - you deserved it (9407)

On 04/20/2013 at 4:22pm - money - by citylife - United States

Today, my parents decided to wake me up on my birthday. They flashed the lights and yanked off my bed sheets. I sleep naked. FML

#20627190
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51612) - you deserved it (10627)

On 04/28/2013 at 9:16am - misc - by Beth - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend was visiting, and while in the bathroom, she clogged the toilet. Since there was no plunger in the room, she unclogged it with the only thing she could find: my mother's hairbrush. FML

#20660172
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40936) - you deserved it (4823)

On 05/13/2013 at 1:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was berated by a pharmacist, who said that kids these days are on so many unnecessary medications for "fake diseases". I was just trying to pick up the medication I've been prescribed to control my epilepsy. FML

Today, I agreed to help out my 4-year crush with his senior prank which is to pretend we are dating for 1 day to freak everyone out. Glad to know dating me is prank worthy. FML

#20658208
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59618) - you deserved it (8669)

On 05/12/2013 at 10:08am - love - by turdtonomor9 - United States

Today, I was going on a blind date with a girl. She walked up to the table, said "Nah, no thanks" and left. FML

#20675286
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48364) - you deserved it (4231)

On 05/20/2013 at 12:02pm - misc - by well okay then - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I locked my keys in my car. Good thing I went to Lowe's to make spares, which are also now locked in the car. FML

#20684843
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35851) - you deserved it (17002)

On 05/25/2013 at 12:50am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I decided to try wearing eyeshadow, even though I'm not that girly. When I asked for help after several failed attempts, my sister walked in and said, "It's easy, just do what I do." She put the makeup on herself and looked amazing. She's eight. FML

#20719423
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47724) - you deserved it (6252)

On 06/11/2013 at 12:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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