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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I opened up a snapchat from my best friend. I received a full and detailed view of her and her boyfriend having sex. All I wanted to know was how her Valentine's Day dinner went. FML

#21060866
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50604) - you deserved it (8818)

On 02/14/2014 at 10:21pm - intimacy - by waymoreiwanted (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I have Hello Kitty band-aids on my nips because I dozed off while tanning and burned them extra crispy. FML

#21062623
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22366) - you deserved it (39489)

On 02/16/2014 at 5:23pm - health - by extra crispy or original recipe (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, and for the past 38 weeks of my pregnancy, my husband decided to amuse himself by following me around, making whale noises. FML

#21074731
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49139) - you deserved it (5618)

On 03/01/2014 at 5:42am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I followed my wife out, since she's been acting strangely lately and I was suspicious. She met up with a guy at a restaurant, who she later claimed was her brother. Either she's cheating on me, or it's tradition in her family to make out and grope each other at the end of meals. FML

#21087493
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57094) - you deserved it (4389)

On 03/15/2014 at 5:48pm - love - by broken vows (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom decided to follow me during my driving test. She rear ended me. FML

#21092226
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42084) - you deserved it (3025)

On 03/20/2014 at 11:04pm - misc - by nehadrihan - United States (California)

Today, I was stuck in the elevator for almost two hours. Where was the elevator mechanic? Next to me in the elevator. FML

#21098357
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43053) - you deserved it (3016)

On 03/28/2014 at 4:42am - work - by ClaustrophobicNightmares - Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad)

Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML

#21092859
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45625) - you deserved it (5938)

On 03/21/2014 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I was sitting in the coffee shop where my boyfriend and I used to go before he broke up with me about a week ago. I was missing him and wishing he was there, when all of a sudden this 14-year-old kid comes up to me and says, "He's not coming, you may as well go home." FML

#21097979
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44065) - you deserved it (6342)

On 03/27/2014 at 7:03pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, my mom brought her sleazy boyfriend home. He took one look at me, swatted my ass, and said, "It runs in the family." My mom just laughed and winked at me, and mouthed, "He's a keeper!" FML

#21103666
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56891) - you deserved it (3938)

On 04/03/2014 at 1:22pm - love - by wiona (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my obsession with saying "your mom" reached a new level when my anatomy teacher asked what I did with my pencil. FML

#21108224
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19484) - you deserved it (45001)

On 04/09/2014 at 1:17am - misc - by Motha - United States (Utah)

Today, my professor ran half a mile in the pouring rain just to return my cell phone, which I had left behind in lecture. Shocked and embarrassed, I exclaimed, "You shouldn't have!" "Damn right," he responded, "I'm 64 years old." FML

#21113974
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39388) - you deserved it (11807)

On 04/15/2014 at 7:18pm - work - by sad but true. - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML

#21126864
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42559) - you deserved it (5557)

On 04/30/2014 at 1:17am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, the tornado sirens went off so my family went to the basement and turned on the TV to the local news. The station goes to their sky cam as a trampoline flies by. Quite the sight. When the storm passed, I looked outside to see our trampoline was gone. It was the one flying by on TV. FML

#21137290
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48573) - you deserved it (4425)

On 05/11/2014 at 11:29pm - misc - by Gone With the Wind - United States (Nebraska)



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