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Today, I had a job interview but couldn't find my car keys. I had searched the entire apartment and had missed the interview. Turns out they were in my pocket the entire time. FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2009 at 6:37am / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation

Today, I realized it's been 5 days since my boyfriend last answered the phone when I called. Two weeks ago, he told me he used to break up with his girlfriends in a very juvenile way. He doesn't answer their phone calls. FML

by Ginger / 02/03/2009 at 12:43pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, my mum and I were walking down a road where we met an old neighbour who recently got divorced. Her son who we hadn't seen for about 10 years was with her and he looked very handsome. I said, "oh wow ! your son has grown up so much !" The woman replied, "this is my boyfriend." FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2009 at 10:09am / Hong Kong / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent hours baking a multi-layered, detailed cake from scratch for my mom's birthday. It took two seconds for my dog to devour the cake while I picked up a spoon I dropped on the floor. FML

by babyboomerang / 05/12/2009 at 7:16am / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, I learned that because of my new medication, I can either avoid getting malaria, or have a male yeast infection. I'm stuck in Africa for the next two months, and have to sit down to pee because I don't want to irritate my penis by touching it. FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2009 at 2:27am / Ghana (Volta) / Health

Today, I was saying goodbye to my boyfriend before I got on my bus. As I turned to get on, the door closed on my face. I knocked on the door. The driver looked at me, and while still staring at me, drove off. FML

by Tee / 11/09/2009 at 9:20pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at work, when this guy came in and paid for his ice cream, then handed me a dollar. I've never gotten a tip before, so I looked at him and said, "Thank you so much, I appreciate it." He stared at me with a weird look for a moment, and then said, "Can I just get that in quarters?" FML

by notip / 11/15/2009 at 3:04pm / United States (California) / Money

Today, my family and I are driving down to France and it's going to take 4 hours. If that wasn't bad enough, my mum decides that she is going to listen to the CD my sister bought her for Christmas on repeat for the whole journey. It's Lady Gaga. FML

by OhGodKillMeNow / 12/26/2009 at 6:42am / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Holidays

Today, I was sitting on the train wondering what that putrid smell was. As I got off the train I realized there was vomit all over the back of my seat. FML

by kstaa / 02/10/2010 at 6:47am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation

Today, my grandfather died. The last thing he said to me was "You smell awful." I work in a fish store. FML

by Mangler / 06/22/2010 at 9:49am / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the fat sweaty guy at my job frequently uses my rub-on deodorant and puts it back in my drawer after he's done. FML

by anonymous / 12/15/2010 at 12:27am / Work

Today, I brought a cupcake to school for my friend's birthday. After taking one bite, she exclaimed that it was the worst thing she had ever tasted and that we should sue the store that I bought it from. I baked it myself. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2010 at 10:42pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my friend makes more money than I do. She's a high school dropout and working at a retail job at the mall. I went to college for four years to get my job. FML

by This_Is_Me1982 / 01/03/2011 at 12:51pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money