Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, my family and I were driving and we passed a strip club called DB's Golden Banana. My 5-year-old sister asked what it was, so my dad said it was a place where people dance. Now my sister keeps telling people she wants to be a dancer at DB's Golden Banana. FML

by tycrist8 / 06/26/2015 at 7:32pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, our outgoing boss told us about guy who's replacing him, saying he's very nice but very anal about things. Without thinking, I shrugged and said "Anal's not bad." Now everyone's calling me Anal-Girl. FML

by very analytical / 06/26/2015 at 3:56pm / United States (Kentucky) / Work

Today, I am a Frenchie who's been in England for two months. While wanting to say to my technician that my manager made me groan during our meeting, I said that he made me moan. Now he keeps looking at me with a grin on his face. FML

by ladyhead / 12/18/2008 at 11:30am / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull) / Work

Today, my grandmother who has Alzheimer's and can't usually remember my name, had a sudden moment of clarity and asked me why I'm still not married yet. FML

by calikola / 01/28/2009 at 12:25pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was pulled over by a motorcycle cop for speeding in a 25 MPH zone. As the cop was walking towards my car, I flicked my cig-bud out of my window. So, the cop did me the pleasure of writing me two tickets instead of one. FML

by Dani_Rich / 02/16/2009 at 1:52am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I bought a new purple shirt and decided to wear it to this charity function I was going to. I thought I looked pretty good in it. Then I got home and realized I left the sticker on. I had an "XL" sticker on my boob all night. FML

by jessica238 / 04/08/2009 at 1:38am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a job interview but couldn't find my car keys. I had searched the entire apartment and had missed the interview. Turns out they were in my pocket the entire time. FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2009 at 6:37am / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation

Today, I realized it's been 5 days since my boyfriend last answered the phone when I called. Two weeks ago, he told me he used to break up with his girlfriends in a very juvenile way. He doesn't answer their phone calls. FML

by Ginger / 02/03/2009 at 12:43pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, I discovered in my house a drawer full of chocolates, cookies and baked goods. When I asked my sister what the drawer was, she told me that my mom thought it would be a good idea to hide the fattening foods from me. My entire family had known about the food drawer except me. FML

by Tori / 02/05/2009 at 10:24am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, my mum and I were walking down a road where we met an old neighbour who recently got divorced. Her son who we hadn't seen for about 10 years was with her and he looked very handsome. I said, "oh wow ! your son has grown up so much !" The woman replied, "this is my boyfriend." FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2009 at 10:09am / Hong Kong / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that because of my new medication, I can either avoid getting malaria, or have a male yeast infection. I'm stuck in Africa for the next two months, and have to sit down to pee because I don't want to irritate my penis by touching it. FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2009 at 2:27am / Ghana (Volta) / Health

Today, I was saying goodbye to my boyfriend before I got on my bus. As I turned to get on, the door closed on my face. I knocked on the door. The driver looked at me, and while still staring at me, drove off. FML

by Tee / 11/09/2009 at 9:20pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at work, when this guy came in and paid for his ice cream, then handed me a dollar. I've never gotten a tip before, so I looked at him and said, "Thank you so much, I appreciate it." He stared at me with a weird look for a moment, and then said, "Can I just get that in quarters?" FML

by notip / 11/15/2009 at 3:04pm / United States (California) / Money