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Today, my friend was confiding all her problems to me over Skype. I pressed the mute button so I could let out a fart, forgetting I'd already muted it earlier. I broke several minutes of my own silence with a devastating wet one. Now she won't talk to me. FML

#21364034
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28476) - you deserved it (13530)

On 02/26/2015 at 4:17pm - misc - by MuteNToot (man) -

Today, I forgot my boyfriend was allergic to nuts and ate Nutella toast before he arrived. He had just brought me flowers for doing well in an exam and I kissed him. He had a reaction and I had to stab him in the leg. FML

#21388685
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31953) - you deserved it (9912)

On 04/06/2015 at 3:38pm - love - by rhunter17 -

Today, I wore a pair of shorts a size too big while doing laundry. When I ordered a pizza afterwards and answered the door, I realized I looked a little heavy, so I sucked in my stomach. My shorts fell to the ground in front of the delivery guy. FML

#21408368
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28065) - you deserved it (9326)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:40pm - misc - by oops (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I tried talking to my wife about our sexless marriage. Her only response was to toss me a sock and say "Knock yourself out, fuckstick." FML

#21422165
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31956) - you deserved it (4067)

On 06/07/2015 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I got busted by a cop for having sex in his car. When the cop sent us on our way, we went home and the garage was open, so we called the cops thinking someone was in the home. No one was in the house, and we got the same cop. FML

#21406460
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33868) - you deserved it (8714)

On 05/07/2015 at 10:18pm - intimacy - by Bonnie and Clyde - United States (Texas)

Today, I was laying in bed facing my dad. In the middle of our conversation, I noticed he became interested in something behind me. I turn around to the sight of my mom lifting up her shirt, flashing her boobs. FML

#21437094
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26546) - you deserved it (2882)

On 07/05/2015 at 11:18pm - misc - by madisonnkelly - United States (Texas)

Today, our outgoing boss told us about guy who's replacing him, saying he's very nice but very anal about things. Without thinking, I shrugged and said "Anal's not bad." Now everyone's calling me Anal-Girl. FML

#21432392
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24656) - you deserved it (8099)

On 06/26/2015 at 3:56pm - work - by very analytical (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I am a Frenchie who's been in England for two months. While wanting to say to my technician that my manager made me groan during our meeting, I said that he made me moan. Now he keeps looking at me with a grin on his face. FML

#546
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21060) - you deserved it (3768)

On 12/18/2008 at 11:30am - misc - by ladyhead - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull)

Today, I realized that instead of actually trying to get a job, save money, lose weight, and get thin so I could maybe attempt to date again; I'd rather spend my money on a Fleshlight. FML

#1321
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9937) - you deserved it (39980)

On 01/16/2009 at 3:34am - intimacy - by horny bastard - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my grandmother who has Alzheimer's and can't usually remember my name, had a sudden moment of clarity and asked me why I'm still not married yet. FML

#3070
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28572) - you deserved it (2123)

On 01/28/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by calikola - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I suggested that my mother download Skype so we could video chat while I'm studying in London over the summer. After I had explained how it worked and that it was free, she said "Well...you'll only be gone for a few months. It's not really worth it." FML

#524922
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64799) - you deserved it (4539)

On 03/22/2009 at 1:45am - kids - by unlovedd (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I learned that because of my new medication, I can either avoid getting malaria, or have a male yeast infection. I'm stuck in Africa for the next two months, and have to sit down to pee because I don't want to irritate my penis by touching it. FML

#4421070
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43712) - you deserved it (3331)

On 08/10/2009 at 2:27am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Ghana (Volta)

Today, after a nap, I went to scratch my eye and felt what I presumed to be a clump of mascara on my eyelash. I didn't wear mascara today. It was a tick. FML

#2213407
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58129) - you deserved it (3691)

On 05/23/2009 at 3:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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