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Today, my boyfriend and I got busted by a cop for having sex in his car. When the cop sent us on our way, we went home and the garage was open, so we called the cops thinking someone was in the home. No one was in the house, and we got the same cop. FML

#21406460
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31240) - you deserved it (8122)

On 05/07/2015 at 10:18pm - intimacy - by Bonnie and Clyde - United States (Texas)

Today, I tried talking to my wife about our sexless marriage. Her only response was to toss me a sock and say "Knock yourself out, fuckstick." FML

#21422165
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28666) - you deserved it (3181)

On 06/07/2015 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, a girl with a picture of One Direction as her desktop asked if I wanted to partner with her on a 70% law assignment. Two hours after saying no, I found out that she's a legal genius with a guaranteed job in the field and a near perfect GPA. FML

#21445322
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10868) - you deserved it (47239)

On 07/22/2015 at 2:18am - work - by Anonymous -

Today, I found out I could not go to the Philippines because I have never had Chicken Pox. The school took the radical decision to prohibit students who have never had Chicken Pox to leave the college. I am condemned to stay in Hong Kong in some shitty project because I am a healthy young man. FML

#168373
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61367) - you deserved it (4134)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:14am - health - by Swaby (man) - Hong Kong

Today, I learned that the surprise party thrown for my girlfriend's 19th birthday was wonderful and she couldn't be happier. Except that I didn't show up. Apparently 40 people were invited but I wasn't one of them. We've been going out for three years. FML

#323384
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73831) - you deserved it (3797)

On 03/14/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by chessgeeksam - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I learned that because of my new medication, I can either avoid getting malaria, or have a male yeast infection. I'm stuck in Africa for the next two months, and have to sit down to pee because I don't want to irritate my penis by touching it. FML

#4421070
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42650) - you deserved it (3257)

On 08/10/2009 at 2:27am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Ghana (Volta)

Today, after a nap, I went to scratch my eye and felt what I presumed to be a clump of mascara on my eyelash. I didn't wear mascara today. It was a tick. FML

#2213407
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54238) - you deserved it (3379)

On 05/23/2009 at 3:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was shopping in an upscale store. As I was changing, I heard one of the snobby saleswomen say to mine "You shouldn't bother. She isn't going to buy anything." Determined to "show her", I purchased everything I'd tried on. It came to around $500. My credit card was declined. FML

#1315447
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15359) - you deserved it (76380)

On 04/25/2009 at 8:49am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I sent a forward to the ladies at my office. When I scrolled down I noticed my personal emails from my best friend were attached. They go into great detail about the sex I had last night, when I was planning on dumping my boyfriend and that I suspected I had an anal fissure. FML

#2373728
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10536) - you deserved it (57948)

On 05/28/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by crazybiotch (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mate came over wanting me to listen to a new music cd he got. It was by some unknown band, and at the end he asked me what I thought, and I said it was ok, but the lead singer couldn't sing even if his life depended on it. Turns out my mate's the lead singer, and it was his own band. FML

#899489
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25849) - you deserved it (40814)

On 04/10/2009 at 10:41am - misc - by Jay (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I spent two hours making dinner for my boyfriend's family. When I brought it over to their house they said "thanks" and didn't bother to invite me to stay to eat it. FML

#2111941
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56287) - you deserved it (4286)

On 05/20/2009 at 1:36pm - misc - by dole_out_the_fml (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I wrote the most beautiful college application essay ever, ten minutes before the online deadline. Instead of clicking "submit", I clicked the button next to it that said "return". The entire essay vanished into internet wasteland. FML

#5853326
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20941) - you deserved it (42506)

On 10/16/2009 at 4:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was talking with my friend-turned boyfriend and cutely told him that I could no longer remember all the things that he used to do that bothered me. He told me he could remember every one of mine and listed them all off for me. FML

#4441693
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18319) - you deserved it (39137)

On 08/11/2009 at 1:01am - love - by thanksjerk (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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