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Today, I discovered in my house a drawer full of chocolates, cookies and baked goods. When I asked my sister what the drawer was, she told me that my mom thought it would be a good idea to hide the fattening foods from me. My entire family had known about the food drawer except me. FML

by Tori / 02/05/2009 at 10:24am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, my mate came over wanting me to listen to a new music cd he got. It was by some unknown band, and at the end he asked me what I thought, and I said it was ok, but the lead singer couldn't sing even if his life depended on it. Turns out my mate's the lead singer, and it was his own band. FML

by Jay / 04/10/2009 at 10:41am / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent two hours making dinner for my boyfriend's family. When I brought it over to their house they said "thanks" and didn't bother to invite me to stay to eat it. FML

by dole_out_the_fml / 05/20/2009 at 1:36pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I almost got married. After the elaborate and very expensive wedding, my "husband" decided he did not want to sign the marriage license because he wasn't sure if he really wanted to settle down after all. FML

by singleagain / 08/24/2009 at 1:16am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I was at my favorite Mexican restaurant when I realized my really cute waiter, along with his buddies kept looking at me and smiling. Trying to be cool, I took a bite of my burrito, choked, and spilled ground beef down my new shirt and in my bra. They laughed the whole time. FML

by pootythe5th / 08/30/2009 at 2:09pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a phone call for a interview at Target at 4:30 pm. I got super excited, so I got dressed up and headed over there. I tell the manager that I am there for my interview. He doesn't know what I'm talking about. My friends had prank called me. FML

by Pho_Rheal / 09/24/2009 at 8:11pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I wrote the most beautiful college application essay ever, ten minutes before the online deadline. Instead of clicking "submit", I clicked the button next to it that said "return". The entire essay vanished into internet wasteland. FML

by Anonymous / 10/16/2009 at 4:56pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my girlfriend about a diamond necklace I bought her for her birthday, which she didn't seem to be wearing. She then told me she hocked it to pay for her inexpensive phone bill. I paid $1,500 for that necklace, she received $300 from the pawn shop. FML

by I_Lossed / 11/03/2009 at 6:02am / Australia (New South Wales) / Money

Today, my mom came home and told me she was going back to college. She's going to the community college that a lot of the graduates from my school go to. She has biology with my ex. They're lab partners and have to do take home labs together. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2009 at 11:13pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to find myself drenched in piss after a long night of drinking. I immediately sprang into action, tossing my bedding in the washer and hopping into the shower. Running late for work, I threw on a nice dress and got into my car. Guess who also peed in the drivers seat? FML

by eggnoodles / 12/13/2009 at 12:44am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, it hit me that my dad didn't cry when I moved out, he did so only when I came back later to pick up my cat. FML

by number2 / 12/15/2009 at 3:50am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I found out that my ex-husband just had a baby with his new partner. We only split up a week ago. FML

by paula123 / 12/18/2009 at 8:02am / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Love

Today, I witnessed my roommate pop a blister with a skewer and casually place it back in the kitchen drawer, before wiping what seeped out with the teatowel. FML

by OMFG / 02/22/2010 at 5:13am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous