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Today, my girlfriend of nine months made a huge scene in public, calling me a "cheating bastard" because she saw me with another woman at the library. That "other woman" is my Calculus tutor. FML

by ? / 02/20/2013 at 1:20pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my dad came home from a trip to Arizona and brought back special hand-picked gifts for the whole family. When he got to me, he smiled, and pulled out a free lotion from the hotel at which he was staying. FML

by loveyadad / 06/16/2013 at 11:46am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, I politely asked a patron to be quieter; I was hit in the face. I work in a library. FML

by rubgy_lover / 06/27/2013 at 11:02am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, I was walking along the beach at night with my family. A huge wave came up and knocked me over. When we got to the van, I realized that the keys that had been in my pocket were now in the ocean. Our cell phones, shoes, and money were in the van. We had to walk three miles to our hotel. FML

by cricketsins / 08/11/2013 at 3:28am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to get my hair done. The hairdresser managed to catch my eyebrow piercing in his comb and almost rip it out. I now look like I have a gunshot wound on the upper right hand side of my face. I'm getting married in a matter of hours, and I still had to pay £100 for the hair cut. FML

by ouchbrow / 08/10/2013 at 5:55pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, while getting ready to welcome my first child into the world, my father in law decided to "help out" and threw out a bunch of papers I needed. Like my child's application for a health card, social insurance number, and my birth plan, as well as instructions from my doctor. FML

by momma / 08/16/2013 at 11:21am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend's freshly-repainted car got keyed. He's literally more of an inconsolable wreck now than he was when his own mother passed away last year. When I tried hinting that he was overreacting, he told me to go to hell. FML

by Anonymous / 08/31/2013 at 12:12pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, a customer threatened to come back later and shoot the whole place up. Why? I didn't give him a discount on his beer. My boss's reaction when I called the police: "Why didn't you give him the discount?!" Last week he bitched me out for letting a girl off for being a few cents short on hers. FML

by eat my fucking ass, boss / 12/06/2013 at 6:37pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, after ignoring my concerns and declaring that "safety equipment's for pussies", my husband went rock climbing for the first time. He only sprained his ankle, but is acting like it's broken. He's now playing video games in bed and pissing in a bucket because walking is "too painful". FML

by Anonymous / 08/11/2014 at 12:27pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Love

Today, I caught my little sister taking a selfie in the mirror with a fake nose piercing, peace sign, and a duck face. She's 12. FML

by MusicLover18 / 09/03/2014 at 7:35pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, while begging my wife for sex for once, she told me she didn't have time. I said it wouldn't take long. She said "I know." FML

by cuckolddreams / 01/21/2015 at 2:06pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, I mixed up my chapstick and cork grease. Now my clarinet smells like cherries, and my lips smell like a gym floor. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2015 at 12:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I ripped my stitches while taking a shit. FML

by stitchesgirl12 / 04/07/2015 at 12:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.