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Today, I got home late after a long day at work and all I wanted to do was take a shower and go to bed. As soon as the water in the shower was hot, I got in. One minute, I was standing and the next I was fast asleep at the bottom of the tub. I woke up with my face swollen and my shoulder bruised. FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2010 at 3:16pm / United States / Health

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to put vinegar in my contact solution. I took my contacts out hours ago and my eyes still burn. FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2010 at 4:47pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I drove a friend to the emergency room because he thought he had appendicitis. While sitting in the waiting room, I got puked on by a child. My friend's diagnosis? Gas. So he also farted all the way home. FML

by alephnull / 02/02/2011 at 4:07pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I went to a birthday party. A half hour in, a girl started showing me pictures of her cat. That was the high point of the night. FML

by caseyj / 03/25/2011 at 1:50am / United States (Kansas) / Animals

Today, I received the only love letter I've ever gotten. Too bad it's from the guy who's been stalking me. FML

by Hello / 06/20/2011 at 1:21am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my mom let it slip that she was divorcing my dad. After making me promise to keep it from him and my little sisters, she had me help her with her plans to renovate the house. She intends to kick him out once it's done. FML

by kris / 08/22/2011 at 12:06pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I finally put the finishing touches on my first vacation in over two years, due to my hellish work schedule. The Governor essentially just vetoed my vacation with evacuation orders. Thanks, Hurricane Irene. FML

by Anonymous / 08/25/2011 at 2:07pm / United States (Virginia) / Holidays

Today, after a month of living in a pigsty of an apartment with my roommates, I spent the day cleaning the place out. When everyone returned home, instead of thanking me, all they could do was point out the spots I'd missed. FML

by ugh / 09/30/2011 at 3:45pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was woken up to my mother screaming obscenities at me, all because I threw up last night after days of not feeling well, and the flushing of the toilet afterwards woke her up. FML

by loveurlifejk / 12/28/2011 at 1:32am / United States / Health

Today, my husband announced that he was fed up with us being known as the neighborhood slobs, and prepared to take down all the Christmas decorations still up from last year. He then decided it was too much effort, and that he'd leave them up to give us a three month head-start. FML

by i believe in shaq / 08/19/2012 at 6:28pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got to drop off my boyfriend at his newest place of residence: jail. FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2012 at 11:19pm / United States / Love

Today, I went to see my favorite band. It was all amazing and great until I decided to go crowd surfing. I was maybe too heavy because people jumped away instead of catching me. I fell right on my tailbone. FML

by lekijkerd / 11/17/2012 at 8:56am / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Health

Today, as my friend was rudely rummaging through my phone, she saw a picture of the pottery I've painted her for Christmas. Not only did she see it, but she also declared it ugly. That's probably the present I'm the most proud of this Christmas. FML

by a / 12/06/2012 at 1:15am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous