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Today, I got my two-year-old's Halloween costume in the mail. I tried it on him to make sure it fit. He loves it so much that he is now having a complete meltdown because he wants to go trick-or-treating. He doesn't understand we only go trick-or-treating on Halloween. 23 more days to go. FML

Today, my parents grounded me for being "addicted" to drugs because I've been taking pain meds every four hours. I had my wisdom teeth taken out yesterday, and my face is badly swollen. FML

Today, I saw a kid getting bullied; a girl was hitting him in the head. After having an inner struggle with what to do, I tried to stop them. Both kids then turned on me, and called me a "hippo". FML

#21078067
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40952) - you deserved it (4244)

On 03/04/2014 at 5:55pm - kids - by meandme (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my biology professor was giving a lecture to everyone and used me as an example. For what? Traits men are repulsed by in potential mates. FML

#21119838
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41029) - you deserved it (3461)

On 04/22/2014 at 11:26am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, my friend found on Tinder the profile of a guy I've been dating and getting quite serious with. I was surprised, not only because he'd told me he didn't do "stuff" like Facebook or Tinder, but because he lied about his job and his surname. Oh, and the fact that he got married in March. FML

#21202569
178 comments

Today, I used the self-checkout for the first time. I didn't see a slot for bills, so I tried to put them in the coin slot for a solid three minutes. There was a huge line behind me, silently judging. FML

#21197152
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38364) - you deserved it (27424)

On 07/03/2014 at 8:29am - money - by notacashier - United States (New York)

Today, I had to explain to my father why it isn't a good idea to shove a metal knife into the toaster when trying to get at a small piece of toast. This man is 45-years-old and has a PhD. FML

Today, I returned to my teaching job at a local community college after surfing for the weekend. I'd got sunburned, one student immediately noticed and said to me, "Morning, Mr. Pinky!" Now they all do it. My students are assholes. I hate teaching. FML

#21209954
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42512) - you deserved it (8082)

On 07/15/2014 at 6:04pm - work - by mister_pinky (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML

#21218616
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36730) - you deserved it (19837)

On 07/23/2014 at 7:24pm - health - by ThunderThighs (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend told me that the necklace I gave her wasn't a "unique enough gift." I spent two weeks making that necklace, link by link. FML

#21257946
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46831) - you deserved it (3209)

On 09/14/2014 at 8:53am - love - by NoConfusion (man) - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML

#21283193
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16895) - you deserved it (38024)

On 10/22/2014 at 4:24pm - misc - by mr_cheese (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to explain to my grandmother why, "What a nice singing voice! He doesn't sound black at all!" is not a compliment. FML

#21336801
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33362) - you deserved it (2876)

On 01/14/2015 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was faced with the inevitable horrible circumstances which lead me to put in a tampon on a moving city bus. FML

#21337228
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32838) - you deserved it (5000)

On 01/14/2015 at 9:18pm - misc - by bloody_hell (woman) - United States (Indiana)



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