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Today, I had to go to my son's school for career day, I explained what a banker does and then I asked if anyone had a question, one boy raised his hand and asked "When are all the cool parents gonna come?" FML

by Blah / 03/30/2009 at 12:39am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I noticed my dishwasher wouldn't turn on. After shelling out $120 call-out fee, I was a little miffed when the technician walked in, pressed the 'unlock' function and walked out again. FML

by veevee / 08/17/2009 at 4:31am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking my Aunt's dog to the park and I grabbed a few doggy bags to pick up the poop. As it turns out the bag had a small unoticable hole in it, that grew bigger as I fit my hand through it. I ended up using my hand to pick up the poop and didnt realize it. FML

by itzcorinnelove / 08/18/2009 at 12:11pm / United States (Maryland) / Animals

Today, I was at a concert and the guy who was selling the drinks tripped and fell down the stairs, landing on the floor next to me and the drinks went all over. I went to make sure he was okay and helped pick up the drinks. After assuring me he was okay, he gave me a free soda. It exploded. FML

by blinkme / 08/28/2009 at 1:39am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my company was throwing a work picnic. When i showed up, I realized that it had been planned months ago and I wasn't supposed to find out. The entire restaurant was there greeting me with faces of utter shock. Nothing says 'you suck' more than being 'that guy' at your job. FML

by Joel / 09/02/2009 at 12:29am / United States (California) / Work

Today, it's my birthday. My best friend called me at work and offered to take me out to lunch. When he went to pay for the meal, his card was declined so I told him not to worry and that I would pay for the birthday meal. He looked at me and said "It's your birthday?" He was serious. FML

by Rockyio / 09/30/2009 at 1:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my four year old got mad that he couldn't find his favorite character on the Wii. So, he decided to smash the Wii remote into my $700 LCD TV, shattering the screen. That was the only TV in the house, and the $80 service plan I bought doesn't cover accidental damage. FML

by mizzy / 11/19/2009 at 4:14pm / United States / Kids

Today, I left my friend this big Facebook wall comment about how adorable his son is. Just after posting, I read the other peoples' comments and find out that it's his daughter. FML

by PntsLessWonder / 11/30/2009 at 11:53pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids

Today, after having an amazing intimate encounter with my boyfriend of 2 years, I put on an old pair of boxers I still have from when I was heavier. He thinks I am cheating on him and doesn't believe I used to be fat. Now he won't talk to me. FML

by everybodysfool / 12/23/2009 at 8:02pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I asked my husband if he thought I was pretty. He replied "compared to what?" He was serious. FML

by For / 12/28/2009 at 9:00am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, while taking a shower, I noticed that I had forgotten to shave my pits. I went to a party last night, and there are now several Facebook pictures of me dancing, with my arms up and my hairy pits showing for the world to see. FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2009 at 2:08am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife of four years confessed to me that she only married me for the money. FML

by mrrichkid / 03/05/2010 at 8:05pm / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, after finally getting up the nerve to take my motorcycle to up 75mph on the freeway, I made it off in one piece, only to fall off my bike in the mall parking lot. FML

by hatesgravity / 09/02/2010 at 7:40am / United States (Michigan) / Transportation