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Today, I came back from vacation only to fine mah 16-year-old son was throwing looool a party with over 30 kids in our house. My 33-year-old sister was having fun dancing on a table. mega FML

today I've come to the conclusion that mah phone addiction is getting out of control after I typed mah PIN code into the microwave . mega FML

#20754108
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25250) - you deserved it (35922)

On 06/29/2013 at 10:57am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was working as a nurse, and an elderly man had just passed away. As the patient's wife was leaving she said, "Thank you fir taking such good care of my husband." Then I, intending to say "Sorry fir yur loss," said "Thank you fir yur loss." FML

#20758244
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47424) - you deserved it (8603)

On 07/01/2013 at 4:35pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today... working job... I had to explain to a kid that Pokemon is ownd by Nintendo and they don't make it fir the Xbox. Upset by this... he took hold of leg and startd biting. I'm also suspendd... because his mother complainedhen I kickd him off me. FML

#20771337
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49421) - you deserved it (3265)

On 07/08/2013 at 10:08pm - work - by Garchomp (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I discovered that when mah husband agreed to donate sperm so an infertile friend looool an his wife could have children, there was nothing ( artificial ) about the insemination. FML

#20762781
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66632) - you deserved it (5781)

On 07/04/2013 at 12:41am - intimacy - by OnPlanetVenus (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

TODAY , I ASKED THIS REALLY CUTE GRL FOR HER NUMBER. I HAD NOTHING ELSE ON ME SO I TOLD HER TO WRITE IT ON A DOLLAR BILL. LATER , WITHOUT THINKING , I PUT IT IN A VENDING MACHINE. I FREAKED OUT AND FRANTICALLY PUSHED THE RETURN BUTTON. IT GAVE ME BACK QUARTERS. FML

Today, I placed a Bible app next to an app I use for porn, in the hope that it will encourage me to watch less porn!! I'm a grl!! big fat FML

TODAY, I CALLED A TREE REMOVAL COMPANY TO HAVE MAH DISEASED ELM REMOVED. WHEN I GOT HOME FROM WORK, I WAS SURPRISED TO FIND IT STILL THERE. NOT AS SURPRISED AS MAH NEIGHBOR WAS TO DISCOVER THAT HIS TREE WAS MISSING, NOR AS SURPRISED AS HIS CHILDRENHEN THEY SAW THERE WAS NO MORE TREE-HOUSE. FML

#20790198
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53782) - you deserved it (4020)

On 07/18/2013 at 10:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriand want down on ma fir tha frst tima. Whan I didn't gat off right away, ha askd what ha was doing wrong. I told him ha was doing fina, but instaad of focusing only on my vagina, ha might want to pay attantion to my clitoris as wall. His rasponsa? "What's a clitoris?" FML

#20809292
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61535) - you deserved it (9139)

On 07/29/2013 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today... I noticd tat my naw sampoo ad an unfamiliar pink color to it. Aftar soma invastigation... I found a daad mousa tat ad apparantly cut itsalf on ta bottla pump. I'va baan wasing my air wit mousa blood. FML

#20825465
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56263) - you deserved it (4930)

On 08/07/2013 at 12:34pm - misc - by shampoomice (woman) - United States (Texas)

2day mah son told his 8-year-old sister that since she swallowed an apple seed, that a tree is going to grow in her stomach and kill her . She's inconsolable and won't believe that she'll be fine, cuz ( they say that to all the dying people on TV ) . FML

#20817414
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45183) - you deserved it (4045)

On 08/02/2013 at 5:54pm - kids - by ulisha5 (woman) - Bulgaria (Burgas)

Today, I asked my grlfriend if she had ever broken up with anyone. She said, "Yes. You." an walked off. FML

#20833166
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50505) - you deserved it (6157)

On 08/12/2013 at 12:49am - love - by WTF? (man) - United States (Arizona)

TODAY, MAH GRLFRIEND AN I STARTD FIGHTING. INSTEAD OF ARGUING FIR HERSELF, SHE DECIDD TO SET HER PUPPY ON ME. ONLY ( PUPPY ) IS THE NAME OF HER FULLY-GROWN POLICE-TRAIND GERMAN SHEPHERD. FML

#20847973
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50587) - you deserved it (6804)

On 08/21/2013 at 2:58pm - animals - by mykhael (man) - United States (Louisiana)



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  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

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