Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of over a year has been cheating on me the whole time, but that "it's just physical". However, he doesn't want to do anything "physical" with me, except cuddle when we're together. FML

by heartbroken / 07/10/2013 at 3:08pm / Australia / Love

Today, I met my brother's girlfriend. We got talking, and we got onto the subject of tattoos. I said how much I hated tramp stamps, and how they make girls look trashy. She said, "Like this?" and showed me hers. FML

by tramp / 11/10/2013 at 12:51am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I noticed my laptop kept shutting down and the mouse cursor was all over the place, clicking on every folder. I dismantled the entire computer only to notice something in one of my USB drives: the receiver to a wireless mouse my colleague put there earlier to play a prank on me. 5ML

by Kenny / 01/24/2014 at 2:16am / Nigeria (Lagos) / Work

Today, I finally worked up the guts to add the guy I like on Facebook. To make it less obvious, I added 15 other people as well. Everyone added me back, except him. FML

by lonely_island / 04/28/2014 at 5:27pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after nearly three weeks of hard work, I finally completed my best drawing yet, a self-portrait. I was incredibly excited to take it to class tomorrow. That is, until I came home from a walk later on, only to find my brother had drawn a stick figure on it, wanking into my face. FML

by ~~~ / 06/29/2014 at 1:08pm / Australia (South Australia) / Work

Today, my husband decided to play a recording of me breaking wind in my sleep to my whole family at the dinner table. To make matters worse, it was a compilation of different noises from over a long period of time. My family was horrified and my husband seemed proud of himself. FML

by blow away / 07/28/2014 at 12:36am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, my younger sister ran into my room, telling me someone was trying to break in. We were home alone, so she went to hide as I took a crowbar and followed the intruder. Just as I was about to swing, he turned around: it was my dad. I had to explain to my sister that burglars don't have keys. FML

Today, I went to use the porta potty at the construction site I work at and found two homeless people having sex in it. I almost got fired, because my advisor blamed me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2014 at 9:58am / United States / Work

Today, to avoid walking on a thumbtack that had fallen on the floor, my little sister took a red sharpie to the carpet and drew a circle around it, "so that way, everyone will see it." FML

by punaise ... / 12/04/2014 at 9:12pm / France (Franche-Comte) / Love

Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2015 at 12:56am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I found out how whipped I am when, at the climax of sex, I moaned, "I'm sorry!" FML

by imsorry / 01/14/2015 at 6:57pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my mom called 5 times and I didn't pick up due to being in class at college. I was later called to the front desk, where my mom was crying. She said she was worried about me because I didn't say "I love you" to her after she dropped me off at college. FML

by gooddaydude / 04/04/2015 at 3:32pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was outside with my two new kittens. A woman came rushing over, saying how glad she was that they were outside. She then started complaining that she had only been able to see them through the windows previously. I have no idea who she is or where she lives. FML

by cat.imakittycat. / 04/07/2015 at 3:14am / New Zealand (Taranaki) / Animals