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Today, my friend and I went boating. In the middle of the lake, we decided to jump in. We put our valuables in the boat and jumped in. When I tried to get back in the boat, it flipped over, and our cellphones, along with my car keys, are at the bottom of the lake. FML

#4854572
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15315) - you deserved it (55262)

On 08/27/2009 at 3:34am - misc - by p-man - United States

Today, after taking a shower, I noticed a weird noise and asked my husband about it. "I think it's in the walls," I told him. After careful inspection, he simply turned off the electric razor I had just used to shave my legs and gave me 'that' look. I had beaten him in an IQ test not 24 hours prior. FML

#5031923
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7336) - you deserved it (42351)

On 09/03/2009 at 11:24pm - misc - by nottililgirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 5 year old lactose intolerant daughter decided to have some chocolate. The result: me cleaning the bathroom walls at 3am, finishing at 4:30am, and then start cleaning again at 5am when her stomach contents decided I had missed a spot. FML

Today, I walked to the end of my driveway to pick up the newspaper. I read the front page that was talking about people who have been getting hurt from slipping on ice. Laughing about that thought and walking up my driveway, I slip. FML

#7135383
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7199) - you deserved it (33210)

On 01/03/2010 at 10:50pm - health - by fml (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my seven-year-old sister came to stay at my house for the night. She usually just sleepwalks. But tonight she sleep-peed in my clean clothes basket. FML

#7966871
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25798) - you deserved it (2299)

On 02/07/2010 at 7:31am - misc - by wallbanger - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I was working as a clown (Pennywise) in a haunted maze. A bunch of drunk guys came in and started breaking props. I decided to stay still and follow through with the scare. I ended up getting kicked in a very sensitive area. The security guard just laughed. FML

#7899176
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27107) - you deserved it (4153)

On 02/05/2010 at 3:23am - work - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was finally time for both of us to have sex with each other. He kept his shoes on the whole time because he thought he had smelly feet. FML

#10906300
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35231) - you deserved it (5482)

On 06/01/2010 at 12:19pm - intimacy - by smellyfeet (woman) - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)

Today, I got punched in the back by elderly woman because she thought I was mocking the way she walked as I passed her. I was walking funny because I have a brace-boot on my foot due to the fact that it got run over. FML

#14043145
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33277) - you deserved it (2361)

On 12/01/2010 at 12:12am - misc - by beer guy -

Today, I was invited to a counseling group for people with emotional problems. I brought the permission slip home for my mom to sign, only for her to accuse me of being a hypochondriacal, lazy, selfish bitch. And my friends wonder why I have problems. FML

#15091359
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29555) - you deserved it (3027)

On 02/23/2011 at 3:37pm - misc - by PissedAtLife (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was chosen as King for our winter formal. Even after I won, nobody wanted to dance with me. FML

#14954492
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32891) - you deserved it (3735)

On 02/13/2011 at 2:16am - misc - by Average - United States (Iowa)

Today, I got a call from this drunk man, asking for Celeste. Since I don't know any Celestes, I told him that he had the wrong number. He kept calling for her. Apparently he can't take a hint that she didn't give him her real number, and I get to deal with him. FML

#15447160
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32855) - you deserved it (3093)

On 03/23/2011 at 10:58am - misc - by jeanstein -

Today, after a week of staying in at night and fighting off a persistent cold, I was finally feeling well again, so I decided to go to my boyfriend's work BBQ. I got food poisoning. FML

#17876001
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31177) - you deserved it (2654)

On 10/01/2011 at 1:17am - misc - by Sickofbeingsick (woman) - United States (Minnesota)



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