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Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while. I was doing upper body workouts and decided to ask a very large man to spot me while I did bench presses. As he stood over me, I saw two beads of sweat roll off his nose. One hit me on the cheek. The other landed in my open mouth. FML

by dollabill009 / 06/06/2013 at 4:49am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, after spending weeks working on a song that meant a lot to me, I reluctantly posted it online. The "friend" who'd convinced me to post it, commented, "This is the worst shit I've ever heard." He got 30 likes, along with a barrage of agreeing, equally terrible comments. FML

by tonedef / 07/09/2013 at 7:35pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, nothing said Christmas quite like my dad taking 18 shots of vodka, falling on the Christmas tree while holding our 3-year-old cousin and denying it ever happened when he woke up later. FML

by thanks_world / 12/26/2013 at 1:48am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was babysitting my 4-month-old niece at the park, when a woman came up to me and said, "Don't worry, dear. You'll get your figure back soon." FML

by notamum / 03/28/2014 at 10:07pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally worked up the guts to add the guy I like on Facebook. To make it less obvious, I added 15 other people as well. Everyone added me back, except him. FML

by lonely_island / 04/28/2014 at 5:27pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, in a last ditch attempt to get away from my psycho coworker, I made my boss transfer me to another branch in the district. My coworker was immediately moved to that branch, because we "work well together". FML

by Godhelpme / 06/15/2014 at 10:21pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I called my boyfriend and invited him over to watch a movie. He was all for it, until I mentioned I was on my period, at which point he said "NOPE." and hung up on me. FML

by painedandpissed / 08/10/2014 at 12:42pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was walking down the street holding my boyfriend's hand, when a seemingly sweet old man said to him, "Hey, you've got to hold her hand properly". I asked him to show me what properly meant. He licked my hand. FML

by peak4u / 10/09/2014 at 5:42pm / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I finally met my long-distance boyfriend of three years for the first time in person. After an amazing dinner and movie date, we went back to his house, only for him to dump me half an hour later. Not because I wouldn't have sex with him. No, his cat doesn't like me. FML

by dragonfyre73 / 01/06/2015 at 7:32pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I found out how whipped I am when, at the climax of sex, I moaned, "I'm sorry!" FML

by imsorry / 01/14/2015 at 6:57pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I noticed that my boyfriend's sister looks at my ass more than my boyfriend does. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2015 at 4:40pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I heard my ten-year-old brother say, "Are hamburgers a reptile?" FML

by Andrew / 07/14/2015 at 1:59pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, I’m starting my 28th year with 28 cents on my bank account. FML

by Yohm / 11/06/2008 at 4:41am / Money