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Today, I’m starting my 28th year with 28 cents on my bank account. FML

by Yohm / 11/06/2008 at 4:41am / Money

Today, after a year together, my boyfriend admitted to me that in bed I had as much an effect on him as a crossword puzzle. FML

by Mary / 11/21/2008 at 5:06am / Love

Today, I found out the girl I've been trying to date for six months is gay. FML

by The L word / 01/30/2009 at 10:28am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, for my birthday, someone left a big bottle of mouth wash on my desk with a big bow on it. FML

by Anonymous / 05/15/2009 at 6:38pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I talked to my boss about the fact that I have been diagnosed as bipolar and I am having a really hard time with it. He told me to look on the bright side, now that I'm crazy I will never have to do Jury Duty. FML

by crazymuch / 02/01/2009 at 1:08pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I walked in on my porn addicted roommate watching a gynecologist exam online. He asked me to watch it with him. FML

by Escape! / 02/03/2009 at 4:38pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I was playing guitar on the sidewalk and had my guitar case open for tips. A man came up with a folded piece of green paper, smiled and walked away. After I was finished, I looked at my tips. I unfolded the paper, it was a note that said "You suck!" FML

by Jesus / 04/21/2009 at 10:39am / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the gym to lift weights because my arm muscles are pathetic. In order to use a machine, I needed to pull out a knob to adjust the seat setting. After an embarassing struggle, a worker came over and helped me. Turns out I'm not even strong enough to adjust the seat settings. FML

by Heethersays / 07/02/2009 at 11:06pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working as a cashier at my job. A guy came up with a cart full of stuff and it took me 10 minutes to ring it all up. When I told him his total, he felt his pockets, said "Oh shit I forgot my wallet!" and walked away. He left about 15 bags worth of things for me to put back. FML

by drano / 08/02/2009 at 12:04am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend and I went boating. In the middle of the lake, we decided to jump in. We put our valuables in the boat and jumped in. When I tried to get back in the boat, it flipped over, and our cellphones, along with my car keys, are at the bottom of the lake. FML

by p-man / 08/27/2009 at 3:34am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss asked me to take some of the female mannequins and change the outfits. As I was changing them, I realized that this was the most action I've gotten in almost a year. Not only am I twenty-seven, but I'm married. FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2009 at 4:17am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I invited over my girlfriend of two years to spend my birthday night with her. Instead of a conventional wrapped birthday present, she gave me the news that she has taken a vow of chastity. FML

by BirthdayBoy / 09/25/2009 at 10:54am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, my 5 year old lactose intolerant daughter decided to have some chocolate. The result: me cleaning the bathroom walls at 3am, finishing at 4:30am, and then start cleaning again at 5am when her stomach contents decided I had missed a spot. FML

by Widespread / 11/18/2009 at 3:43am / Australia (Queensland) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.