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Today, a nurse asked my relationship status. I answered, "Married". She then asked if there was any possibility of me being pregnant. I hardly contained my snort, before responding, "No, you have to have sex for that." I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that it's true or her laughter. FML

#21275225
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38606) - you deserved it (5044)

On 10/10/2014 at 9:25pm - intimacy - by bluevix (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML

#21350665
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29990) - you deserved it (5129)

On 02/05/2015 at 11:14pm - misc - by Milked Richard (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I am still finding glitter in my ass crack after a concert last night that had a confetti cannon. Thanks Marilyn Manson, I feel so metal now. FML

Today, I finally decided to go Christmas shopping. It's only once I arrived that I realized that I had forgotten my wallet. FML

#564
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8449) - you deserved it (21069)

On 12/21/2008 at 10:36am - money - by fleur_de_fevrier - Ireland (Kildare)

Today, I have a degree in electrical engineering, my wife was doing a crossword and asked me what are the units of capacitance, I couldn't remember. FML

#967
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13849) - you deserved it (7725)

On 01/11/2009 at 11:46am - misc - by jibjab - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to buy some Ibuprofen and got asked for ID. You have to be over 16 to buy it. I'm 25. FML

#2946
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20597) - you deserved it (2412)

On 01/28/2009 at 12:21am - misc - by noneoftheabove - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I live with my mother and realized she goes out with her friends and dates more times a week than I do in a single month. FML

#4267
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19810) - you deserved it (3316)

On 01/31/2009 at 5:23pm - misc - by lousy - United States (Alabama)

Today, I realized the reason I was asked to babysit 3 weeks ago for Feb 14 was because the old married couple with kids safely assumed that I wouldn't have a Valentine. FML

#43018
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31527) - you deserved it (2710)

On 02/14/2009 at 5:49pm - misc - by NoValentine (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went on a coffee date with a guy I'm interested in. He picked up his phone mid-date to finalize dinner plans with another girl. FML

#45902
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37776) - you deserved it (2601)

On 02/15/2009 at 5:32am - misc - by lamesauce (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my window got busted and won't shut properly. I live in a college dorm room and maintenance says they can't fix it for a couple of days. It's below freezing in my dorm and I can see my breath while trying sleep. FML

#14562057
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25306) - you deserved it (2233)

On 01/13/2011 at 1:32am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I discovered that I had lost my phone. I drove to the campus to try and find it, and parked in a gated lot where you pay when you leave. All the buildings were closed, so I had to go home. That's when I realized that I didn't have my wallet to get my car out. And no phone to call a ride. FML

#5460740
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26830) - you deserved it (7071)

On 09/25/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by Moe (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I interviewed for a job at a pharmaceutical lab. During the interview, I said something about a past work experience that made the interviewers think that I would enjoy doing something similar to that... so they gave me a warehouse job instead. I have a degree in chemistry and biology. FML

#4939837
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31044) - you deserved it (3620)

On 08/30/2009 at 9:56pm - work - by Pissssd (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, after expressing some of my reservations about the amount of work I have to do to accomplish my thesis on time, my graduate advisor compared my search for knowledge to Tom Hanks' odyssey in the movie "Castaway". FML

#5307387
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20397) - you deserved it (3645)

On 09/17/2009 at 2:15am - work - by Economess (man) - United States (Delaware)



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