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Today, my sister brought a guy home while our parents were out. They had sex in her bedroom. I heard everything. The worst part wasn't her stupidly excessive moaning; it was that the moans sounded eerily similar to a cow mooing. FML

#20991588
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52538) - you deserved it (4829)

On 12/13/2013 at 7:34pm - intimacy - by puking now (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to a nativity play. My husband showed up late and drunk, and I had to explain to him why booming "Yeah! Time to get baby Jesus up in this shit!" when our son was about to go on stage got us kicked out. FML

#21001530
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40139) - you deserved it (4053)

On 12/22/2013 at 4:28pm - kids - by bastard (woman) - United States

Today, it was safe to say I started sleepwalking again, after I woke up with a mouth filled with soil and a ravaged plant. FML

#20995711
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38663) - you deserved it (3416)

On 12/17/2013 at 10:38am - health - by adventurousnightsbutnotinagoodway (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML

#21023350
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44234) - you deserved it (5439)

On 01/10/2014 at 6:15am - animals - by RaccoonFever - United States (California)

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a restaurant for her birthday. She had to go to the toilet while there, and when she came back, she was crying. When I asked why, she said "I'm on my period!" and sobbed loudly in front of everyone that we couldn't have birthday sex. FML

#21016986
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61050) - you deserved it (6574)

On 01/04/2014 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was laying down with my girlfriend, when she asked me if I'd ever been kicked in the junk. I awkwardly said no, and she replied, "Well maybe that should change." while rubbing my shoulder lovingly. I'm scared. FML

#21027576
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42656) - you deserved it (4600)

On 01/14/2014 at 11:15am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, my mother-in-law tried to "accidentally" run me over. FML

#21052599
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44737) - you deserved it (3943)

On 02/06/2014 at 6:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my mum asked me how the guinea pig was doing. We don't have a guinea pig. Turns out she had volunteered me to look after the next door neighbor's guinea pig when they were away and 'forgot' to tell me. They have been gone two weeks. FML

#21071021
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49955) - you deserved it (3567)

On 02/25/2014 at 4:59am - animals - by HelpMe (man) - United Kingdom (Scottish Borders, The)

Today, I was playing an intense game of Flappy Bird. I was so excited at being about to beat my high score that I got a hard-on. FML

#21074219
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45621) - you deserved it (21143)

On 02/28/2014 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Russian Federation (Moskva)

Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML

#21074161
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51376) - you deserved it (15503)

On 02/28/2014 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I learned that most teenagers would rather grab free candy from the broken vending machine than help the guy stuck underneath it get free. FML

#21093947
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42815) - you deserved it (4799)

On 03/23/2014 at 12:05am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, about 10 minutes into my first jog in months, someone in a car started following me, yelling stuff like "Oh my god, it's Shamu!" and "Run faster, fatty!" I ended up breaking down in tears before he finally sped off, roaring with laughter. FML

#21090080
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55124) - you deserved it (4675)

On 03/18/2014 at 3:44pm - health - by see you next cunt (woman) - United States



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