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Today, I was working in costume at a recreation of a Confederation-era town. I had to convince a visitor that it's not, in fact, an Amish village, and we do actually leave after five. FML

by a-mishunderstanding / 08/08/2011 at 12:07am / Work

Today, at work, a customer came in. Since I was behind the counter, I asked if she needed help with anything. I've worked there for five years, and I didn't recognize my own boss. FML

by DramaticSigh / 08/15/2011 at 1:00am / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I went on a blind date. All my date would talk about was how he was 'really his own best friend.' FML

by SoccerBabe42 / 12/26/2011 at 7:11am / Canada / Love

Today, I realized that I spend more money on gas to go to my job than what I get paid. FML

by izziegrl / 09/24/2012 at 2:21pm / Mexico (Mexico) / Money

Today, I returned to Germany for a break from my studies abroad. I got lost while out for groceries, so I tried asking a guy for directions. I went totally blank and strained to think of the right words, prompting him to mutter about rude foreigners not bothering to learn the local language. FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2012 at 2:21pm / Germany (Saarland) / Holidays

Today, my dad took me to the empty parking lot of Wal-Mart to try driving for the first time. All was well until he shouted at me for going too slow, which startled me into jerking the wheel and simultaneously stomping on the gas. I don't think Geico covers a Wal-Mart-sized dent in one's car. FML

Today, I heard from my dad for the first time in over six months. It was through Facebook, in a message blaming my brothers and me for his horrible life, and in which he spelled my name wrong. FML

by Anonymous / 02/25/2013 at 2:26pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband rejected sleeping with me because he wants to "save his energy" for building his custom car. Apparently, I'm a "distraction." FML

by Anonymous / 04/23/2013 at 9:38am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while. I was doing upper body workouts and decided to ask a very large man to spot me while I did bench presses. As he stood over me, I saw two beads of sweat roll off his nose. One hit me on the cheek. The other landed in my open mouth. FML

by dollabill009 / 06/06/2013 at 4:49am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home from a long shift at work to find that my roommate had completely rearranged all of the furniture. Apparently the new arrangement is supposed to improve the feng shui of our apartment. My bed is in the living room. FML

by Anonymous / 07/02/2013 at 8:00pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received an email from my professor asking me not to jump ahead on assignments as it makes the other students look bad. FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2013 at 1:14am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, nothing said Christmas quite like my dad taking 18 shots of vodka, falling on the Christmas tree while holding our 3-year-old cousin and denying it ever happened when he woke up later. FML

by thanks_world / 12/26/2013 at 1:48am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was babysitting my 4-month-old niece at the park, when a woman came up to me and said, "Don't worry, dear. You'll get your figure back soon." FML

by notamum / 03/28/2014 at 10:07pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous