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Today, I walked in the bathroom to find my son cleaning his penis. It wouldn't have been so bad if he wasn't cleaning it with a toothbrush. FML

#20883448
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41000) - you deserved it (3745)

On 09/16/2013 at 3:51am - kids - by clean - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my daughter told me she is pregnant. The father is the foreign exchange student who just moved back to Germany. FML

#20887524
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47603) - you deserved it (4356)

On 09/19/2013 at 6:30am - kids - by monkey (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was in a public bathroom with the runs when I noticed my stall didn't have any toilet paper. I was the only one in the bathroom, and I thought I could make it to the stall next to me and grab some with my pants down. I wasn't actually the only one in there. FML

#20901686
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37065) - you deserved it (7827)

On 09/30/2013 at 6:30am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, and for the fifth week in a row, my dad has been moping around and acting pissy about everything because his psycho girlfriend won't talk to him. He now claims his life is over. I'm being raised by a teenage girl. FML

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML

#20909928
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48393) - you deserved it (3400)

On 10/06/2013 at 5:54pm - love - by UHM (man) - United States

Today, some ass-bandit broke into my house by smashing a window, just so he could steal the ancient VHS cassette player that my wife wouldn't let me throw away. Thanks, scumbag, but the front door was unlocked. FML

#20919168
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42115) - you deserved it (3637)

On 10/13/2013 at 5:50pm - money - by and she blames me -_- (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML

#20908715
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39593) - you deserved it (3015)

On 10/05/2013 at 6:34pm - animals - by animal lover... -

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for knowing more about Batman than he does. He's only seen some of the movies, and as a kid my dad owned a comic book store. He still doesn't see why I should know more, because I'm a girl, and "girls aren't supposed to know about super heroes." FML

#20921778
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47160) - you deserved it (3399)

On 10/15/2013 at 5:48pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I accidentally texted a picture of my cock to my dad. FML

#20907559
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22060) - you deserved it (72245)

On 10/04/2013 at 7:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML

#20915065
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44053) - you deserved it (14576)

On 10/10/2013 at 11:40am - intimacy - by DisgustinglyFrustrated - Argentina (Santa Fe)

Today, my mom made fun of me because I'm 16 and have never had a boyfriend, then bragged that at my age she was already pregnant with me. FML

#20918137
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52556) - you deserved it (2758)

On 10/12/2013 at 9:59pm - misc - by roundtherose - United States (Alaska)

Today, I realized how bad my OCD is when I accidentally got a paper cut and I was annoyed by the fact that the cut wasn't in a straight line. FML

#20927328
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39075) - you deserved it (5575)

On 10/20/2013 at 10:34am - health - by Teiu88 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my son came home for the fifth time saying he didn't get the job, wondering what he did wrong. I looked at his resumé; under special skills was, "Keeping it real." Apparently he saw it in a movie and thought it would work. FML

#20928390
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37176) - you deserved it (4342)

On 10/21/2013 at 12:18am - kids - by Wheredigowrong - United States (Iowa)



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