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Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

#21294899
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41598) - you deserved it (3802)

On 11/08/2014 at 6:02pm - kids - by jennabee97 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I asked my friend to download Frozen for me, because my mom wanted to play it for family movie night. The movie was shit, but it got even worse halfway through, when it cut to hardcore porn and a text bar saying "umad?" Now I'm grounded, and my "friend" is a legend for his prank. FML

#21346882
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30063) - you deserved it (5215)

On 01/30/2015 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my elderly neighbour told me why my other neighbours don't talk to me. I'm a massage/physical therapist and treat clients, mostly athletes, in my home. My neighbours saw the steady stream of young, buff guys coming to my house and concluded that I'm a gay prostitute. FML

#21327463
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33313) - you deserved it (2646)

On 12/30/2014 at 10:34pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I walked into my house and saw it was flooded. I went upstairs to the bathroom to see the toilet overflowing and my boyfriend holding my dog over it so he could drink it. My boyfriend said he didn't know what else to do. FML

#21279204
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36298) - you deserved it (3796)

On 10/16/2014 at 4:53pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, like every month, the beautician spent 10 minutes removing the hairs from my stomach. I'm a girl. FML

#887
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21446) - you deserved it (2414)

On 01/09/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by Noname - Sent from mobile version

Today, my mom just handed me a book called "100 Ways To Motivate Yourself." FML

#1823
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15508) - you deserved it (5444)

On 01/20/2009 at 3:27am - misc - by JackAttack - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I sang the itsy bitsy spider song with a class of thirty 20 somethings because we're going to be kindergarten teachers. She made us do the hand motions too. FML

#2762
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7056) - you deserved it (22017)

On 01/27/2009 at 3:10am - work - by duh - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I got on one knee in front of my girlfriend. I pulled out the ring, uttered the words "Lisa, will you..." then abruptly shat my pants. FML

#21271177
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45014) - you deserved it (5870)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I searched for free parking near my work for 30 minutes, trying to avoid paying $12 at a pay lot. I scored a spot, but 1 mile away from the office. I trekked through rain, cold, and got to work late. It was a long hard day, crawled back to my car, and had a $30 ticket on my windshield. FML

#5560693
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10746) - you deserved it (36144)

On 09/30/2009 at 1:34am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I phoned up my bank's customer service department. I waited eleven minutes on hold with the lovely music, and when a woman finally picked up, I ran out of phone credit. FML

#582
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19686) - you deserved it (2374)

On 12/24/2008 at 12:56am - money - by Colin - Sent from mobile version

Today, I noticed a prospective employer I had been networking with changed her last name on her e-mail signature. I wished the aquaintence congratulations on her new marriage. Her divorce was finalized this week. FML

#12057
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10090) - you deserved it (21853)

On 02/06/2009 at 5:40pm - misc - by unlucky (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went to the store to buy some groceries. Several hours later I realize that I can't find my wallet. After looking all over my house and then the store parking lot, I had my credit cards cancelled. On the drive home, I feel something under me. It was my wallet. FML

#6629276
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8211) - you deserved it (30855)

On 12/06/2009 at 2:43am - money - by life_suxxx - United States (Mississippi)



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