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Today, an old man started telling me about the high price of meat. I told him I wouldn't know, since I'm a vegetarian. His reply was, "Oh, most vegetarians are slimmer." FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 12:16pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was driving with my parents while explaining that young people like myself are better drivers because we have better reflexes. My explanation was suddently interrupted with the sound of me crashing the car against a parked car. FML

by superdriver / 02/07/2011 at 12:46pm / Mexico (Distrito Federal) / Transportation

Today, I attempted to bleach my body hair so I wouldn't have to shave. A little while later, I realized that I'd also succeeded in bleaching my skin, which was incredibly noticeable. I'm hosting a pool party this weekend. FML

by run4fun / 06/23/2011 at 2:56pm / United States (Vermont) / Health

Today, it was the concert of my life. I had bought tickets the minute they went on sale, and I'd anxiously waited until the concert date. 30 minutes before the show, my friend got so drunk that we weren't allowed in, and I was stuck babysitting her all night in the hotel, completely missing the show. FML

by savanna / 05/03/2012 at 12:46am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I started a new job. I noticed all the beautiful women. Then I tripped on a cord running across the floor. They noticed me too. FML

by Brown345 / 05/11/2012 at 1:03am / United States / Work

Today, my car broke down and had to be towed to the dealership. Normally, this would be just unlucky but I work with kids and we had been fundraising for charity. I am now sitting at the dealership with my hair coloured purple, red and blue and in ridiculously high pigtails while people stare. FML

by straightlyconfused / 05/27/2012 at 9:20am / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, I tripped on the way back from collecting a prize in front of 600 students and their parents. I got more applause than I did when collecting the prize. FML

by plzdontclapme / 07/01/2012 at 7:03pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I sprained my ankle trying to prove that I can walk in high heels. FML

by dumbass / 09/06/2012 at 2:46am / United States / Health

Today, I found out that the mysterious and creepy weirdo guy that continuously sends me messages on Facebook is my manager at my new job. FML

by Jessica S. / 09/06/2012 at 7:15am / United States (Kentucky) / Work

Today, my mom called while I was at a job interview. I ignored the call, but the interviewer was so offended by the fact I'd rudely left it on at all, that he threw me out. I found out from my mom later that she'd called to wish me good luck. FML

by unemployed / 08/24/2012 at 2:00pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I went to eat out. When I sat down, I realized I forgot my straw. I took my purse with me, not wanting it to get stolen. Someone stole my food instead. FML

by pplsuck / 09/25/2012 at 7:57pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was singing in the shower, when some suds from my shampoo fell into my mouth and down my throat. I retched and sputtered for about two minutes before finally throwing up. FML

by woman / 11/17/2012 at 3:45am / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, I had to be treated for chemical burns, because my mother got the bright idea of using paint thinner to clean me up after I'd painted our living room. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2012 at 3:03pm / United Kingdom / Health