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Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

by Jebus / 01/24/2009 at 11:07am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, my Grandma was showing me an ancient family letter. It was apparently written by someone historically famous. She was going on about how important it was, in such good condition too, worth a lot. I dropped my glass of juice. It spilt all over it. FML

by damn-it / 02/22/2009 at 1:41am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting at home when I remembered that I desperately needed gas for my car. On my way there, I prayed that my car would make it the whole way, and was thankful when I pulled up to the pump, because I knew my car wouldn't go any further. Then I realized I left my wallet at my house. FML

by casey / 03/24/2009 at 8:11pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, in my art class we had to paint a nude portrait of a fat, old woman. About halfway through the piece, and while painting her fat rolls, I realized she was the only person other than myself I had ever seen naked. FML

by artclasstrauma / 05/15/2009 at 11:14am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working and some woman wanted to pay with a credit card. It already had a picture on the card so you don't have to ask for i.d., and just glancing at it I asked, "Oh, is this your husband's card?" She then replied, "No, that's just me with glasses and short hair." FML

by em / 06/03/2009 at 2:50am / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, my family was discussing the new rules of the house we are moving in. They told my sister she couldn't have any boys in her room. They didn't tell me I couldn't have any girls in my room. Even my parents think I can't get a girlfriend. FML

by FML1994 / 06/14/2009 at 1:20pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called the campus police to give me a ride to the cafeteria since I am on crutches from knee surgery. I was only halfway into the car when the man started driving and ran over my foot. Now neither my right knee or my left foot work. FML

by brokenkneechick / 02/07/2009 at 2:26am / United States (Connecticut) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend asked me what I enjoyed most about the weekend we'd spent together. I mention in detail a certain move he had pulled when we made love. When asked what he enjoyed most, he replies "putting my fish tank together". FML

by lucy / 03/03/2009 at 12:55am / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, I went to have a sperm analysis done at the fertility clinic. I spent an hour trying to masturbate into a cup but I was too anxious and couldn't finish. There was a knock on the door, a clinician and a lab assistant both were there, wondering if I was ok. I have to go back next week. FML

by alpine75 / 05/03/2009 at 12:47pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I drove a drunk Venezuelan exchange student home after a prom party. Notable events: her puking on the way to the vehicle, her yelling in Spanish at the top of her lungs in the car, her puking out the window in the moving vehicle, and her crying because she felt bad for making me drive. FML

by DesDri / 06/20/2009 at 3:37am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I covered for my friend at work because he said he was having car troubles and was going to be late. Two hours into the shift, I got a call from my roommate asking why my girlfriend had moved out. Turns out, I'd covered my friend's shift so he could help my girlfriend move out behind my back. FML

by Anonymous / 07/30/2009 at 11:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 26th birthday party got busted by my parents due to them coming home early because of a flight cancellation. Everyone had to leave, but not before my mother made me go to my room. FML

by joeshmoe / 09/05/2009 at 3:07am / United States (Mississippi) / Transportation

Today, I found out that the phrase I got tattooed on my lower back is misspelled. FML

by TatooFAIL / 10/06/2009 at 10:38am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous