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Today, I went to have a sperm analysis done at the fertility clinic. I spent an hour trying to masturbate into a cup but I was too anxious and couldn't finish. There was a knock on the door, a clinician and a lab assistant both were there, wondering if I was ok. I have to go back next week. FML

#1591881
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58968) - you deserved it (8221)

On 05/03/2009 at 12:47pm - intimacy - by alpine75 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I sent a get well card to my friend. it wasn't until after I got home from posting it did I realise that the stamps I put on the envelope had the phrase "Let's Get Active" on them with drawings of people playing sports. My friend is in a wheelchair. FML

#6303407
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25678) - you deserved it (11575)

On 11/14/2009 at 5:26pm - health - by Insensitive (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I woke up at 6:00 am to the sound of somebody laying on their horn outside my apartment. I ran outside to yell at them only to find out it was my car. The horn was shortcircuting. All my neighbors stood on their porch laughing as I repeatedly punched my steering wheel to make it stop. FML

#6252858
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26668) - you deserved it (3907)

On 11/11/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by carsuck (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was on my grandparents' computer looking for my old high school resume. I came across a word document titled "Experiences". Thinking it was part of my resume, I opened it up and started reading. It was a brief, yet explicit record of my grandfather's recent sexual frustrations. FML

#7631314
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17813) - you deserved it (5053)

On 01/28/2010 at 12:00am - intimacy - by nick (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a birthday card from my parents. It was my sister's from earlier in the year. They scratched out her name and wrote mine underneath. FML

#14086512
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31905) - you deserved it (2442)

On 12/04/2010 at 6:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was helping an older lady return her previously bought items to customer service. As she walked away and said "Thanks," I tried to say "You're welcome" and "No problem" at the same time. I ended up saying "Your problem". She scowled at me. FML

#13958781
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22090) - you deserved it (7904)

On 11/24/2010 at 4:52am - work - by romedizzle (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was life guarding at a community pool and noticed a toddler go under water. I quickly jumped in and suddenly got a charlie horse which caused me to stall. When I looked up, I saw an old woman saving him, and got a shoe thrown at my head. I was fired. FML

#12843819
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27577) - you deserved it (9365)

On 08/31/2010 at 8:35pm - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out that the foundation I've been using for the past month isn't normal foundation, its skin darkening foundation. I look like an oompa loompa from the neck up. It won't go away for another month. FML

#12518999
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10662) - you deserved it (33516)

On 08/14/2010 at 12:35pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Scottish Borders)

Today, while working at the bar, I was having a flawless night. Every pour was perfect, every shot expertly measured. I saw my manager for the first time that night, turned to greet him, and knocked over a tray of 30 or so glasses. Two remained unbroken. FML

#11945611
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33593) - you deserved it (4923)

On 07/17/2010 at 4:51pm - work - by barman - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I learned that if I don't clean out the litter box everyday, my cat will resort to shitting in the laundry basket. FML

#15188844
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12568) - you deserved it (32743)

On 03/03/2011 at 7:45pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I fell and got a nasty cut above my right eye. The doctor in the ER sealed the wound with surgical glue. He also glued his glove to my eyebrow, and let glue run onto my eyelid. Not only do I have a scar and medical bill, I now have no eyebrow or eyelashes on my right eye. FML

#14488481
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32060) - you deserved it (2284)

On 01/06/2011 at 7:26pm - health - by Dante -

Today, I quit my job after I overheard my boss doing a 'hysterical' impression of me telling her about my dad's heart condition. FML

#15495668
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45501) - you deserved it (3536)

On 03/26/2011 at 8:05am - work - by dinomite -

Today, I found out my dad has a 1-in-a-million disease that makes your liver process pain medication at twice the rate of a normal person. If that wasn't bad enough, he also tells me he hopes I don't have it too, because it can be passed down. He said this because I'm 29 weeks pregnant. FML

#15546650
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33561) - you deserved it (3022)

On 03/29/2011 at 2:08pm - health - by Spike (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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