Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boss called me in to tell me I had got a raise. I bought a $1500 Chanel bag. Two hours later he called me in to tell me he was kidding. FML

#792
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16894) - you deserved it (42196)

On 01/07/2009 at 4:54pm - money - by Perdedor - United States (New York)

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

#2426
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8358) - you deserved it (32721)

On 01/24/2009 at 11:07am - love - by Jebus - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my Grandma was showing me an ancient family letter. It was apparently written by someone historically famous. She was going on about how important it was, in such good condition too, worth a lot. I dropped my glass of juice. It spilt all over it. FML

#101667
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19958) - you deserved it (46173)

On 02/22/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by damn-it (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was sitting at home when I remembered that I desperately needed gas for my car. On my way there, I prayed that my car would make it the whole way, and was thankful when I pulled up to the pump, because I knew my car wouldn't go any further. Then I realized I left my wallet at my house. FML

#584648
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48155) - you deserved it (25712)

On 03/24/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by casey (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. They informed me they were lawyers throughout the meal, which explained the gorgeous house. My boyfriend excitedly told them I was promoted manager at my job. They asked where I work. I work at Burger King. FML

#814621
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57683) - you deserved it (8466)

On 04/05/2009 at 10:12am - misc - by Vac (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my family was discussing the new rules of the house we are moving in. They told my sister she couldn't have any boys in her room. They didn't tell me I couldn't have any girls in my room. Even my parents think I can't get a girlfriend. FML

#2885124
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42426) - you deserved it (4792)

On 06/14/2009 at 1:20pm - misc - by FML1994 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I drove a drunk Venezuelan exchange student home after a prom party. Notable events: her puking on the way to the vehicle, her yelling in Spanish at the top of her lungs in the car, her puking out the window in the moving vehicle, and her crying because she felt bad for making me drive. FML

#3053433
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43723) - you deserved it (4777)

On 06/20/2009 at 3:37am - misc - by DesDri (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, in my art class we had to paint a nude portrait of a fat, old woman. About halfway through the piece, and while painting her fat rolls, I realized she was the only person other than myself I had ever seen naked. FML

#1961143
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42385) - you deserved it (7541)

On 05/15/2009 at 11:14am - misc - by artclasstrauma (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found my daughter on Facebook after years of looking for her after the divorce. It turns out it was my ex pretending to be my daughter so she could track me down. FML

#27666
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51064) - you deserved it (5953)

On 02/11/2009 at 9:06pm - misc - by toad (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, the priest was handing out red roses after church. The woman ahead of me asked for a rose. The priest said, "Sorry, we are only giving them out to single women since they didn't get any for Valentine's Day." Then he hands one to me. This was the first time I have been to that church. FML

#62419
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41622) - you deserved it (4199)

On 02/17/2009 at 6:44pm - love - by KC (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend asked me what I enjoyed most about the weekend we'd spent together. I mention in detail a certain move he had pulled when we made love. When asked what he enjoyed most, he replies "putting my fish tank together". FML

#192617
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46862) - you deserved it (5863)

On 03/03/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by lucy (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boss came back from a 2 week vacation. I was the only one covering for him, and I did an excellent job. It was my chance to get a promotion. I actually improved his sales while he was gone. But the only thing he noticed was that I killed his plant. FML

#492264
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68062) - you deserved it (4962)

On 03/20/2009 at 4:46pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to have a sperm analysis done at the fertility clinic. I spent an hour trying to masturbate into a cup but I was too anxious and couldn't finish. There was a knock on the door, a clinician and a lab assistant both were there, wondering if I was ok. I have to go back next week. FML

#1591881
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59959) - you deserved it (8315)

On 05/03/2009 at 12:47pm - intimacy - by alpine75 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)



FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: