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Today, my boyfriend found out I have OCD. When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other or I freak. After I brushed his face with the back of my hand he tackled me to the floor, held me down, and laughed at me while I panicked and tried to touch him with my other hand. FML

#13351667
422 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49599) - you deserved it (15556)

On 10/07/2010 at 2:29am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML

#20417691
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58685) - you deserved it (10306)

On 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by Saradee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I heard my boyfriend of 3 months talking with his friend, not knowing I could hear them. "Tonight's the night," my boyfriend says. "I'm finally going to tell her I love her!" I got really excited, deciding i loved him too. Then his friend says, "Awesome! But what about Kayla?" I'm Kayla. FML

#530298
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (239003) - you deserved it (15998)

On 03/22/2009 at 1:14pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML

#18733573
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21939) - you deserved it (41841)

On 01/07/2012 at 5:27am - intimacy - by Danny - Australia

Today, I was babysitting for my mum's friend. I put her little boy on my knee, and he kept pulling at my top. I asked him "are you hungry?" He replied "No, I want to see your titties." FML

#12305756
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41528) - you deserved it (10800)

On 08/04/2010 at 6:25am - intimacy - by Embarressed... (woman) - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)

Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section at my birth. He replied "Yeah, so technically you weren't even born, you were surgically removed, like a tumor." FML

#17638273
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36169) - you deserved it (4527)

On 09/01/2011 at 7:40pm - misc - by mannydanny (woman) - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML

#19903364
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32167) - you deserved it (3820)

On 07/07/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by kalikanna - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML

#1690188
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (103776) - you deserved it (23879)

On 05/06/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Familyskank (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML

#4421825
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80709) - you deserved it (7003)

On 08/10/2009 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML

#15532710
484 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55506) - you deserved it (27791)

On 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm - intimacy - by dickface - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML

#19983117
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27778) - you deserved it (12837)

On 07/25/2012 at 6:54am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML

#18983166
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44774) - you deserved it (9505)

On 02/03/2012 at 9:47am - intimacy - by xX_nsn_Xx (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother and I went to Wal-Mart to buy pads. I suggested I get tampons instead, so that I can go swimming at my boyfriend's cottage. My mother then goes to the nearest store employee and asks, "excuse me, if my daughter uses a tampon, does that mean she is no longer a virgin?" FML

#251967
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (196206) - you deserved it (14664)

On 03/09/2009 at 3:30pm - intimacy - by tamponmayhem (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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