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Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML

#19623439
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39556) - you deserved it (4089) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/14/2012 at 6:23pm - misc - by lafinesse (woman) -

Today, I found out that whilst I was asleep last night, my boyfriend was playing on his XBox. I also found out that whenever he unlocked a new level, achievement or just generally beat someone's ass, he would celebrate by pulling out one of his pubes and putting it in my mouth. FML

#7773873
421 comments

I agree, your life sucks (109897) - you deserved it (12756)

On 02/01/2010 at 5:23am - misc - by doesnttastegood (woman) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML

#20068526
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48471) - you deserved it (4200)

On 09/12/2012 at 3:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

#881347
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41897) - you deserved it (137726)

On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML

#19776975
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44078) - you deserved it (4130)

On 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm - misc - by creeped out - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend said that to be extra careful he's been taking my birth control pills too. FML

#16879378
361 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63814) - you deserved it (7788)

On 06/27/2011 at 9:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

#8119072
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20730) - you deserved it (4736)

On 02/11/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by syl - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out why my husband had wanted to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informed me that he wasn't always Ben, but used to be Brenda. His 'penis' doesn't work and he had wanted to know I "truly loved him" before he had let me know. FML

#5148313
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (190924) - you deserved it (20295)

On 09/09/2009 at 1:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML

#15405912
488 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36632) - you deserved it (50724)

On 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm - kids - by failureparent (man) - United States (California)

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

#19959363
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11494) - you deserved it (38339)

On 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm - misc - by Bontempi (man) - France

Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML

#17338945
333 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51523) - you deserved it (9891)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:52am - intimacy - by INside (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML

#18974920
217 comments

Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML

#14806356
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45759) - you deserved it (8202)

On 02/02/2011 at 12:57am - kids - by Malakai - United States



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