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Friday 27 May 2016

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Today, the checkout guy at my local store asked me if I had my hair cut. I answered and started talking about my hair, and he gave me a really weird look. He was talking to his friend, who I hadn't noticed in the queue behind me. FML

by figcurzyez / 05/23/2016 at 11:57am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was really happy because the guy I've been on a few dates with wanted to take pictures with me. I thought it'd meant that he really liked me, but it turns out he just wanted them so he could post them online and make his ex-girlfriend jealous. FML

by ReboundGrl / 05/23/2016 at 2:44pm / United States (Nevada) / Love

Today, a stranger nearly beat the crap out of my boyfriend for being a pedo. I ended up showing the guy my driving license to prove I'm not a pre-teen and that I'm just freakishly young looking. FML

by Anonymous / 05/25/2016 at 12:38pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, when I left for work at 7:00 am, my dad was playing Grand Theft Auto 5. When I got home at 3:30, he was still playing. I'm 18 years old. He's 45. FML

Today, I finally got my screaming, teething, 1-year-old daughter down for a nap to hopefully get some work done. The second I opened my laptop, FedEx dropped off a package and rang the doorbell. My dog went nuts. Then my neighbor rang the doorbell to let me know I had a package. My daughter's awake now. FML

by ryzzostar / 05/25/2016 at 3:50pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I felt an itch on my neck. naturally, I scratched it. After about 5 minutes of scratching, I realized that I've been scratching a dead fly on the back of my neck. FML

Today, I went to a trampoline park and jumped into an adult-area foam pit that apparently used to be for children. I guess it never occurred to them to change the depth of it, as I now have a fractured ankle. FML

by anonymous / 05/25/2016 at 8:34pm / United States (New Mexico) / Health

Today, the first thing I noticed about my blind date was the clump of nose hairs sticking out and mingling with his beard. In an effort to not stare, I periodically glanced away. After a while, he asked which guy I was into at the table next to us, because I was spending so much time looking in that direction. FML

by anonymous / 05/25/2016 at 11:45pm / United States (Idaho) / Love

Today, I finally tested out my new robot vacuum cleaner. My puppy decided she would test it out too by leaving a brown surprise for it to find, which it did. There are now brown marks in every room of the house. FML

by justpeachy1989 / 05/26/2016 at 10:06am / Australia / Animals

Today, I was taking a biology final and was just randomly tapping my pencil. My teacher thought I was somehow communicating with the person next to me, and decided to fail me. FML

by FML / 05/26/2016 at 12:37pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend's mum begged me to stay with my boyfriend because she says I'm the only one who can actually get him through college and into a decent job. FML

by anony / 05/24/2016 at 8:57am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love

Today, I've tried literally every possible brand of antiperspirant deodorant available to me in my area. I went to the bathroom to discover I'd pitted out my favorite shirt. It's mild weather, I have done nothing active, and I'm not stressed. My body just loves to make me sweat. FML

by FastTurtle9 / 05/24/2016 at 4:10pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was woken at 4 a.m. by the sounds of someone crashing down the stairs. I scrambled out, still half-asleep, to find out that nobody was in an agonized heap at the bottom. The walls are so thin in my house that I could hear the neighbour falling down HIS stairs. FML

by LostSleep / 05/24/2016 at 5:54pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous