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Friday 31 July 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I realized the only reason my mom trusts me to stay home alone for long periods of time is because I don't have enough friends to throw a party. FML

#21448086
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23204) - you deserved it (2126)

On 07/27/2015 at 3:12pm - misc - by Not turnt - United States (New York)

Today, a customer bitched me out, saying he wouldn't eat his vegetarian dish because it didn't "look vegetarian enough." He then demanded a refund and a plate of the same vegetarian dish. FML

#21448499
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20140) - you deserved it (1141)

On 07/28/2015 at 9:14am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while in a hotel, I left the room to get some ice. Since my parents left the door wedged open, I didn't worry about trying to find the room number. Without thinking, I walked in to another room that was also wedged open. Yes, there were people in it, and yes, they were both naked and hairy. FML

#21448605
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17916) - you deserved it (7327)

On 07/28/2015 at 2:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I asked my boss for a promotion. "You don't work here but I can give you a job application." I've been working here for 8 years. FML

#21448654
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22165) - you deserved it (1599)

On 07/28/2015 at 4:44pm - work - by Application - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to wait thirty minutes after closing to check out a lady who was purchasing 20 different styles of curtains. I asked what she would be doing with them all, and she replied that she would be bringing 19 of them back tomorrow, as she didn't know which would match. FML

#21448838
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22056) - you deserved it (1411)

On 07/28/2015 at 11:04pm - work - by jlmbull - United States (Michigan)

Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

#21448923
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20661) - you deserved it (6750)

On 07/29/2015 at 2:15am - intimacy - by oops - United States

Today, I found out why I was always picked up last from school. My parents didn't want the other parents to find out I was their kid. FML

#21449647
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11609) - you deserved it (796)

On 07/30/2015 at 6:35pm - kids - by Lonely School Kid - Canada

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

#21448216
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24191) - you deserved it (1928)

On 07/27/2015 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, while waiting for an interview at the career that I've been spending months tailoring my résumé for, I was thrown up on by my only competitor. Guess who got the job. FML

#21448834
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21060) - you deserved it (1298)

On 07/28/2015 at 10:55pm - work - by smellslikeahangover - United States (California)

Today, during my father's funeral, I heard my mother-in-law mutter, "No loss there. Lazy cunt." FML

#21449050
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22577) - you deserved it (1235)

On 07/29/2015 at 1:00pm - misc - by HF44 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up on the couch and realized I had fallen asleep while doing laundry. Ran to the laundry room, and found all my clothes gone. I really wish I hadn't been doing a load of all my pants. FML

#21449249
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16935) - you deserved it (2203)

On 07/29/2015 at 9:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, while shopping with my sister, she asked me to wait for her while she quickly said hello to a friend. I sat on a bench for an hour before I realised she wasn't coming back. Turns out "hello" had turned into a date. FML

#21449387
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19393) - you deserved it (1613)

On 07/30/2015 at 2:56am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after a 4 or 5 month-long dry spell, I woke up next to an amazing and beautiful woman. Neither of us were wearing pants. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Did I piss the bed?" FML

#21448401
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20658) - you deserved it (2386)

On 07/28/2015 at 2:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States



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Friday 31 July 2015

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