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Wednesday 9 July 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, on the bus, a little boy gave me the dirtiest look, pointed at my pregnant stomach, and menacingly said, "I know what you did." FML

#21205823
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54367) - you deserved it (7372)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:03am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

#21206177
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40541) - you deserved it (6150)

On 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm - health - by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

#21206318
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45492) - you deserved it (8486)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:38pm - animals - by and god shat (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML

#21201617
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43140) - you deserved it (4314)

On 07/07/2014 at 11:59am - animals - by ADanceWithDavos (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML

#21207695
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63906) - you deserved it (8266)

On 07/13/2014 at 3:46am - intimacy - by NoSexForMe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my fiancée has been saying, "Shit's gone cray-cray" for over a week. I finally snapped. When I was done ranting, she murmured, "Baby, don't be cray-cray". FML

#21204913
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49686) - you deserved it (8729)

On 07/10/2014 at 9:34am - love - by oh my fucking god (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I was watching adult videos in my apartment. I'm deaf, so I didn't realize my volume was at full blast until I put my hand over the speaker. FML

#21206881
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61737) - you deserved it (13103)

On 07/12/2014 at 10:00am - intimacy - by weeping_angel_ - United States (New York)

Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML

#21210892
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52836) - you deserved it (3688)

On 07/16/2014 at 2:56pm - kids - by fuck you, kid (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was at the mall in the food court, when some guy asked for my number. I turned him down, but I was impressed with how ballsy he was. Without thinking, I said, "I like your balls!" Half the place instantly fell silent. FML

Today, I ran into a good friend at work. I work at a jail. She doesn't. FML

#21211411
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51570) - you deserved it (4221)

On 07/16/2014 at 11:51pm - misc - by Is that..? - United States (Colorado)

Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-girlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML

#21210956
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58359) - you deserved it (4363)

On 07/16/2014 at 4:09pm - love - by betrayed (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I discovered the downside to having a "sneak-attacks-allowed" tickle war with my 4-year-old son. I had to explain to several outraged strangers at the supermarket why my son kept flinching and pulling away whenever I made any sudden movements near him. FML

#21207892
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42449) - you deserved it (6269)

On 07/13/2014 at 12:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my coworker called in to say that he couldn't make it to work today because he was in a coma and asked if I could cover his shift. This isn't the first time he's tried to use this excuse. FML

#21203542
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45220) - you deserved it (3712)

On 07/09/2014 at 12:24am - work - by HowAreYouAlive - United States (Virginia)



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