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Wednesday 18 June 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

#21179512
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55681) - you deserved it (4866)

On 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

#21184387
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64746) - you deserved it (9212)

On 06/22/2014 at 4:34pm - intimacy - by possibly fucked (man) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

#21180516
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53335) - you deserved it (14928)

On 06/19/2014 at 10:37am - love - by stopinthenameoflove - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I found out that the loving nickname my Chinese mother has been calling me my entire life essentially translates to "little retard". FML

#21185495
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52949) - you deserved it (5850)

On 06/23/2014 at 3:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my laziness reached an all-time high. I had a dream that I was at school and had spilled all the contents of my backpack onto the floor. I then purposely shook myself out of my sleep to avoid cleaning up the mess in my dream. FML

#21176688
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47139) - you deserved it (10598)

On 06/16/2014 at 12:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got hit by a car while walking into the hospital to visit my wife, who had also gotten hit by a car. FML

#21182903
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61087) - you deserved it (4727)

On 06/21/2014 at 8:50am - health - by anon - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to CVS to buy some tampons. The cashier said, "Ewwww... You're on your period." FML

Today, I heard my son say, "I don't want any bacon with my eggs". Where did I go wrong? FML

#21187679
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56748) - you deserved it (18766)

On 06/25/2014 at 8:30am - kids - by failed dad (man) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML

#21183341
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46099) - you deserved it (4762)

On 06/21/2014 at 5:42pm - misc - by LoveGlove (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I became the town racist for saying "black" instead of "African-American". I'm black. FML

#21179835
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58556) - you deserved it (5412)

On 06/18/2014 at 9:14pm - misc - by guest - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend once again cancelled a date because he has too much homework. His professor is my dad, who's assigning astronomical amounts of homework to keep us from seeing each other. FML

#21180214
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59760) - you deserved it (4691)

On 06/19/2014 at 1:28am - love - by professorsdaughter - United States (Washington)

Today, my doctor got my blood test results from the lab. He looked at me gravely and told me I had just weeks left to live. After I started hyperventilating and crying, he burst out laughing and said he was kidding. He then prescribed me some iron tablets and sent me on my way. FML

#21182241
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55044) - you deserved it (6341)

On 06/20/2014 at 7:03pm - health - by legitfile.bat.virus.exe (woman) - United States (California)



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