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Friday 13 June 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus . I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone ranghile he was showering an he slipped onto a box of vegetables . Guessho had to extract the carrot . FML

#21179512
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52531) - you deserved it (4616)

On 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today , some alarm , somewere in ma ouse , is making a low battery noise. I've cecked every smoke detector multiple times , an I can't find it. It as been ours. I'm not sure if its still doing it or if te sound as just invaded ma brain. fat FML

TODAY I SENT MY GIRLFRIEND A REQUEST TO CONFIRM OUR RELATIONSIP ON FACEBOOK. SE ACCEPTED , TEN CANGED ER SCREEN NAME INTO "HIS HAND". FML

#21169063
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52605) - you deserved it (11513)

On 06/10/2014 at 12:02am - love - by MiserableMan (man) - Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh)

Today, mah older brother managd to convince mah younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could !! He convincd me of the exact same thing as well several yeres ago !! FML

#21174074
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45321) - you deserved it (6507)

On 06/14/2014 at 2:42am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, mah girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, an hold it uphen she gets bored during sex . FML

#21180516
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50595) - you deserved it (14261)

On 06/19/2014 at 10:37am - love - by stopinthenameoflove - Ireland (Dublin)

Yesterday, mah laziness reachd an all-time high. I had a dream that I was at school an had spilld all the contents of mah backpack onto the floor. I then purposely shook myself out of mah sleep to avoid cleaning up the mess in mah dream. FML

#21176688
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44109) - you deserved it (9936)

On 06/16/2014 at 12:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today... mah nineteen year old daughter handed me a book on raising children and said "Maybe you'll do better next time." FML

#21169808
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46331) - you deserved it (14864)

On 06/10/2014 at 4:06pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Barbados (Saint Michael)

Today, I was at Sea World an was about to take a picture of the big walrus. I noticed my phone was still set to use the front camera, an I muttered "Oops, selfie mode." A guy next to me turned, looked at me, an said "Not like there's a difference fir you." FML

#21175629
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50260) - you deserved it (8422)

On 06/15/2014 at 4:01pm - animals - by furball (woman) - (Perth and Kinross)

Today, I Askd My Dad If He'd Lyk To See The Photos Of My Wedding, Which He Didn't Bother To Come To. Reply: "What The Fuck, Are You Gay Or Something? Keep That Homo Stuff To Yourself." My Wife Startd Laughing So Hard She Was Crying. FML

#21180887
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47070) - you deserved it (4928)

On 06/19/2014 at 5:05pm - love - by Fuck you, Dad. Fuck you. (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I had dinner for the frst time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML

#21173084
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46552) - you deserved it (5591)

On 06/13/2014 at 5:27am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to go to the police station after my son got arrested fir shoplifting 15 packs of gum. He got away with it at frst, but got busted when he tried to return it all cuz he ( didn't like the flavor ). FML

#21170087
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49501) - you deserved it (8239)

On 06/10/2014 at 8:39pm - kids - by idiotson - United States (New York)

Today, mah psycho nieghbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-prate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by mah house. I'm pretty scared fir mah life, to be honest. big fat looool FML

#21171119
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40263) - you deserved it (4284)

On 06/11/2014 at 4:36pm - misc - by ldrik1 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my broter got pantsd by is idiot friends. It was a surprise to everyone tat e was wearing women's underwear at te time, but even more of a surprise for me tat te underwear belongd to me. FML

#21175491
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47562) - you deserved it (4353)

On 06/15/2014 at 2:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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