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Sunday 2 February 2014

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Today, someone hit my parked car. The impact caused the front of the car to go up onto the sidewalk, and I got a ticket for parking there. FML

by ccgundum / 02/01/2014 at 2:47am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my 8 year anniversary. My boyfriend's "romantic" gesture for the occasion was to toss a few McDonald's coupons at me and tell me to get whatever I wanted. FML

by CUNTCUNTCUNT / 01/29/2014 at 4:28pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I asked my sister what she thought of my boyfriend. She said, "He's nice. Deserves better than you, really." FML

by Anonymous / 02/02/2014 at 1:39pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I told my professor that I'll be missing class next week due to upcoming surgery. I asked if I could take the exam that I'd otherwise miss another day. He said no, and that I'd just have to take a failing grade, then wished me luck with the surgery. FML

by ... / 02/07/2014 at 3:30pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I burned my right boob. I got it by eating a hot pocket and accidentally spilling the extremely hot filling. I never thought I'd get laid before. This has just confirmed it. FML

by Nikia818 / 02/06/2014 at 1:23pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after months of looking at cribs and picking out the perfect one for my unborn daughter, the store informed me that they no longer make that crib, even though the model is right there on the sales floor. I had to leave as my hormones got the best of me and I started bawling. FML

by pinknicki87 / 02/03/2014 at 12:34pm / United States (South Carolina) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML

by Order of the Dangling Testicles / 01/28/2014 at 3:28pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my boyfriend admitted to subtly encouraging me to do stupid things because he finds my "bimbo moments" hilarious. FML

by a2 / 02/06/2014 at 1:57am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, the highlight of my day was when I figured out that my little brother's toy dump truck could actually dump stuff out. I'm 18. FML

by LarissaT18 / 02/02/2014 at 11:13am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my family and I were celebrating my dad's birthday. The two of us were standing by the pool chatting, and I jokingly said "You're old now." I suppose I should have expected him to shove me into the pool, my phone still in hand, and retort, "You're soaked now." FML

by fuck you, dad / 02/08/2014 at 3:54pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, for our anniversary, I sang my boyfriend a heartfelt, self-written song. The first thing he said when I finished was "Your fly is open." FML

by zippersaremoreimportantthansentiments / 02/01/2014 at 3:11am / United States (Alabama) / Love

Today, I got my wedding photos back. The only decent picture of my husband and me together also featured a fat guy in a crop top behind us. FML

by Anonymous / 01/27/2014 at 3:55pm / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, a kid in class kept chatting to his friend, and was made to swap seats. Every time the guy he swapped with moved, the stench from his armpits wafted over. It smelled like nacho cheese crossed with ball sweat. It got so bad that I eventually had to go dry heave in the toilets. FML

by even axe would smell better / 02/04/2014 at 1:55pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Health