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Sunday 2 February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I'm a little over a month pregnant. My fiancé has decided that if we both act like I'm not pregnant, "the baby will get the hint and go away". FML

#21050194
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54818) - you deserved it (6738)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:50am - kids - by LadyDeadpool88 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while playing a big basketball game, I had to run urgently to the bathroom because of a really hard diarrhea. I took the ball. FML

#21055217
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39089) - you deserved it (7510)

On 02/09/2014 at 9:36am - misc - by took it - United States (New York)

Today, on the eighth day of my diet, I met up with my study group. Everyone was snacking on junk food while I stuck to carrots. Someone put a Snickers bar on the table. "God, I want you," I thought. Turns out I was thinking out loud. The guy next to me inched his chair away. FML

#21050614
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38240) - you deserved it (7169)

On 02/04/2014 at 8:03pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I had to explain to my husband why saving the condom from the first time we had sex is not romantic. FML

#21054738
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55716) - you deserved it (6336)

On 02/08/2014 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by O_o - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't think he should marry me, because I have kids. They're his kids. FML

#21055090
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55096) - you deserved it (7177)

On 02/09/2014 at 2:20am - love - by Tara115 (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML

#21055858
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45320) - you deserved it (14753) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/09/2014 at 10:39pm - intimacy - by vegas-81 - France

Today, my mother-in-law tried to "accidentally" run me over. FML

#21052599
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44736) - you deserved it (3943)

On 02/06/2014 at 6:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I realized that my dog has more work experience than I do. He's a retired military working dog, and I have a Master's degree. FML

#21042693
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41179) - you deserved it (5268)

On 01/28/2014 at 3:22am - animals - by Pooper scooper - Guam

Today, my girlfriend of three weeks basically threatened to kill herself if I don't start thinking about having a child with her soon. FML

#21049518
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56893) - you deserved it (6490)

On 02/03/2014 at 5:47pm - love - by well i'm fucked (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mother-in-law called me every 2 hours, starting at 8pm and stopping at 10am the following morning. She says that since my wife and I are expecting our first child, I should "get used to waking up at all hours." She calls my work phone, which I'm not allowed to switch off. FML

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I really started getting into it. I said, "Hang on tight, this is gonna get intense." She replied, "Doubt it" and yawned. FML

#21044260
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52306) - you deserved it (16649)

On 01/29/2014 at 4:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wrexham)

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

#21046118
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59266) - you deserved it (11480)

On 01/31/2014 at 10:29am - intimacy - by wtfjusthappened - United States (Washington)

Today, I was singing in the shower but couldn't hit the higher notes. My wife complained and 2 minutes later she ran a tap causing my shower to go freezing. I shrieked. My wife said my pitch was still wrong. FML

#21048056
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41474) - you deserved it (8385)

On 02/02/2014 at 11:53am - misc - by deargodthepain (man) - United States



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