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Sunday 2 February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after years of insomnia and going to doctors to help get a regular sleeping pattern, I finally fell asleep without the help of medication, only to dream about being chased by an angry seal and singing to Rihanna with a horse. This is probably why I don't sleep. FML

#21049132
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43541) - you deserved it (4036)

On 02/03/2014 at 8:29am - health - by Sleepless (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML

#21053668
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46092) - you deserved it (9839)

On 02/07/2014 at 7:18pm - love - by mariana (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cock blocked me. FML

#21045897
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51604) - you deserved it (7624)

On 01/31/2014 at 1:16am - intimacy - by CatBlock (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

#21046118
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63399) - you deserved it (12379)

On 01/31/2014 at 10:29am - intimacy - by wtfjusthappened - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't think he should marry me, because I have kids. They're his kids. FML

#21055090
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56041) - you deserved it (7275)

On 02/09/2014 at 2:20am - love - by Tara115 (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML

#21043189
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43871) - you deserved it (5373)

On 01/28/2014 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Bahrain (Al Manamah)

Today, as usual, I stress ate. After having my exams prolonged for an extra week, I ate three extremely large packs of Skittles, and then threw them all up. Taste the rainbow, puke the rainbow. FML

#21048665
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40332) - you deserved it (15062)

On 02/02/2014 at 10:26pm - health - by Sad Student - Canada (Ontario)

Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML

#21050725
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37441) - you deserved it (42715)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:48pm - health - by anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I made love. She stared at her One Direction poster the whole time. FML

#21046460
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56482) - you deserved it (12111)

On 01/31/2014 at 6:50pm - intimacy - by mylifesucks (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, on the eighth day of my diet, I met up with my study group. Everyone was snacking on junk food while I stuck to carrots. Someone put a Snickers bar on the table. "God, I want you," I thought. Turns out I was thinking out loud. The guy next to me inched his chair away. FML

#21050614
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38279) - you deserved it (7176)

On 02/04/2014 at 8:03pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my dogs freaked out and started getting violent because they thought the sound of my vibrator was the other's growling. FML

#21048300
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43452) - you deserved it (11022)

On 02/02/2014 at 4:50pm - animals - by foops (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I found a Google search for "erectile dysfunction" in my browser search history, along with pages about treatments for it. I'm a woman, and I live alone. FML

#21049445
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45280) - you deserved it (3433)

On 02/03/2014 at 4:16pm - misc - by jai90 (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I had to explain to my husband why saving the condom from the first time we had sex is not romantic. FML

#21054738
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55795) - you deserved it (6342)

On 02/08/2014 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by O_o - United States (California)



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