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Sunday 26 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went on a blind date. The first thing the guy did was ask if I knew what it felt like to have spiders crawl out of my vagina. FML

#21044324
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47361) - you deserved it (5031)

On 01/29/2014 at 5:14pm - love - by riiiight (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cock blocked me. FML

#21045897
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42011) - you deserved it (5460)

On 01/31/2014 at 1:16am - intimacy - by CatBlock (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while in the prison I work at, I came down with severe digestion issues. Master control probably laughed hysterically as they watched me wait at the security gates in a cold sweat, squeezing my ass-cheeks together like an inmate smuggling contraband. FML

#21047394
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36996) - you deserved it (3525)

On 02/01/2014 at 5:42pm - work - by TwistedCherub1 (woman) - United States

Today, I went to the health department to get on some birth control. I left the health department without birth control, and with the news that I'm pregnant. FML

#21034014
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43407) - you deserved it (29158)

On 01/20/2014 at 3:23pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, school was out because of snow. My dad walked in my room and shouted "Why are you home?!" I told him why, and he replied, "Then get out the damn house and play in the snow." He tossed me out in nothing but my shorts. FML

#21037332
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35163) - you deserved it (4111)

On 01/23/2014 at 4:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, after a big argument, my girlfriend looked me dead in the eyes and said "I can go the rest of my life without sex, you know." 5ML

#21038360
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40693) - you deserved it (9267)

On 01/24/2014 at 3:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, in revenge for being grounded for bullying a kid at school, my eight-year-old son flung a handful of Lego in my path as I walked barefoot into the kitchen. I'm still in pain. 5ML

#21038562
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39079) - you deserved it (7364)

On 01/24/2014 at 6:10pm - kids - by limping (man) - Canada

Today, I was helping my elderly neighbor carry her groceries into her kitchen. When I finished, she sighed and said, "You're such a sweet girl. It's just a shame about your face." FML

#21040445
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45730) - you deserved it (3513)

On 01/26/2014 at 8:08am - misc - by neighbor - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend and I made love. She stared at her One Direction poster the whole time. FML

#21046460
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47105) - you deserved it (9802)

On 01/31/2014 at 6:50pm - intimacy - by mylifesucks (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, someone hit my parked car. The impact caused the front of the car to go up onto the sidewalk, and I got a ticket for parking there. FML

#21046882
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45770) - you deserved it (3184)

On 02/01/2014 at 2:47am - misc - by ccgundum (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my mom announced to everyone that she wants at least ten grandchildren. I'm an only child. FML

Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML

#21035414
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40009) - you deserved it (5290)

On 01/21/2014 at 7:55pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I noticed my laptop kept shutting down and the mouse cursor was all over the place, clicking on every folder. I dismantled the entire computer only to notice something in one of my USB drives: the receiver to a wireless mouse my colleague put there earlier to play a prank on me. 5ML

#21037915
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33145) - you deserved it (6952)

On 01/24/2014 at 2:16am - work - by Kenny (man) - Nigeria (Lagos)



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