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Sunday 26 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got a black eye while trying to break up a fight caused by some complete bastard making a "yo momma" joke at the funeral of my best friend's mother. FML

#21042087
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57086) - you deserved it (4742)

On 01/27/2014 at 6:09pm - health - by knobbed (man) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

#21042040
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22616) - you deserved it (60147)

On 01/27/2014 at 5:31pm - misc - by :( (man) - Algeria

Today, my mom announced to everyone that she wants at least ten grandchildren. I'm an only child. FML

Today, I went on a blind date. The first thing the guy did was ask if I knew what it felt like to have spiders crawl out of my vagina. FML

#21044324
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53535) - you deserved it (5708)

On 01/29/2014 at 5:14pm - love - by riiiight (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML

#21035436
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65210) - you deserved it (9159)

On 01/21/2014 at 8:16pm - health - by AnonWife - United Kingdom (North Lincolnshire)

Today, a girl I've never met before came up to me and punched me in the face, because she wanted to get suspended. FML

#21036028
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52188) - you deserved it (4093)

On 01/22/2014 at 11:30am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML

#21035329
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55548) - you deserved it (11055)

On 01/21/2014 at 6:26pm - intimacy - by MM - United States (Maine)

Today, my girlfriend was spending the day at my place. Later on, I walked in while she was making lunch. She had a jar of mayo in her hand, and I joked, "I have some mayo, but it doesn't come from a jar." She had a bluetooth headset on, and was in a call with her father. 5ML

#21037484
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45338) - you deserved it (24893)

On 01/23/2014 at 7:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was reading FML's birthday blog post and saw a picture of myself in it. I would've been happy if it wasn't #4 in the list of worst duckfaces of the week. FML

#21040870
168 comments

Today, I went to the health department to get on some birth control. I left the health department without birth control, and with the news that I'm pregnant. FML

#21034014
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48640) - you deserved it (32839)

On 01/20/2014 at 3:23pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, in revenge for being grounded for bullying a kid at school, my eight-year-old son flung a handful of Lego in my path as I walked barefoot into the kitchen. I'm still in pain. 5ML

#21038562
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44894) - you deserved it (8770)

On 01/24/2014 at 6:10pm - kids - by limping (man) - Canada

Today, I told my friend I would pay him to ask out the ugliest girl he knew. He asked out my girlfriend. FML

#21039900
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26015) - you deserved it (51006)

On 01/25/2014 at 7:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was singing in the shower but couldn't hit the higher notes. My wife complained and 2 minutes later she ran a tap causing my shower to go freezing. I shrieked. My wife said my pitch was still wrong. FML

#21048056
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42634) - you deserved it (8551)

On 02/02/2014 at 11:53am - misc - by deargodthepain (man) - United States



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