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Sunday 26 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend proposed: he told me the feeling he gets from being in love with me is the best feeling in the world, even better than the feeling he gets when he poops. FML

#21039368
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46492) - you deserved it (7093)

On 01/25/2014 at 10:43am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cock blocked me. FML

#21045897
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51604) - you deserved it (7624)

On 01/31/2014 at 1:16am - intimacy - by CatBlock (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I came home from the army and explained to my family how tough it was there. Then, as I was walking away, I stubbed my toe on the couch, fell and cried. FML

#21036979
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43490) - you deserved it (14958)

On 01/23/2014 at 7:53am - misc - by MarBlu - United States

Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML

#21039277
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51837) - you deserved it (5868)

On 01/25/2014 at 7:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

#21046118
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63399) - you deserved it (12379)

On 01/31/2014 at 10:29am - intimacy - by wtfjusthappened - United States (Washington)

Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML

#21043189
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43871) - you deserved it (5373)

On 01/28/2014 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Bahrain (Al Manamah)

Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML

#21034785
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49015) - you deserved it (5295)

On 01/21/2014 at 6:07am - kids - by sickmom (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, as usual, I stress ate. After having my exams prolonged for an extra week, I ate three extremely large packs of Skittles, and then threw them all up. Taste the rainbow, puke the rainbow. FML

#21048665
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40331) - you deserved it (15062)

On 02/02/2014 at 10:26pm - health - by Sad Student - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after a big argument, my girlfriend looked me dead in the eyes and said "I can go the rest of my life without sex, you know." 5ML

#21038360
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49684) - you deserved it (12645)

On 01/24/2014 at 3:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend and I made love. She stared at her One Direction poster the whole time. FML

#21046460
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56483) - you deserved it (12111)

On 01/31/2014 at 6:50pm - intimacy - by mylifesucks (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my dogs freaked out and started getting violent because they thought the sound of my vibrator was the other's growling. FML

#21048300
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43452) - you deserved it (11022)

On 02/02/2014 at 4:50pm - animals - by foops (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my new boyfriend's house, and he was taking a shower. I had to take a crap real bad, but his apartment only has the one bathroom. I couldn't wait for him to finish, and ended having to shit in a plastic bag. FML

#21044466
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51690) - you deserved it (22603)

On 01/29/2014 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML

#21045407
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43235) - you deserved it (4672)

On 01/30/2014 at 5:46pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)



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