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Sunday 19 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion. It took me three people to realize that every time I was giving them the Eucharist, I was saying, "May the force be with you". FML

#21041278
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41640) - you deserved it (12572)

On 01/26/2014 at 11:37pm - work - by sabz21 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was in a market in France, and went to ask the seller for some potatoes. I speak fluent French, but I got flustered and instead of saying "pomme de terre", which is the French for potato, I said "pomme de merde". I literally asked for an "apple of shit". FML

Today, as if having to endure the noises of my parents having sex in the next room wasn't painful enough, my mom decided to shout, "Yeah! Like a horse!" I want to cry. FML

#21028949
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58778) - you deserved it (5212)

On 01/15/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by DisturbedMan (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, my family and I were having turkey for dinner. My boyfriend leaned in towards me and muttered, "I'll stuff your turkey later". Everyone heard and the whole room went dead silent. FML

Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML

#21040159
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46022) - you deserved it (9466)

On 01/25/2014 at 11:29pm - kids - by mom - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. After a while, he started staring at my lady parts, and said my "vag looks like a mockingjay". He then stretched the lips apart like wings and made little "CA-CAW CA-CAW!" sounds. FML

#21033383
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58646) - you deserved it (9425)

On 01/19/2014 at 10:59pm - intimacy - by Goodyear (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, there was a forest fire in my town. I was still forced to go to school, as it was safer. A lot of people decided not to go, and we ended up doing nothing but watching the news reports. There, I got to see my house burning on live TV. FML

#21030359
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67872) - you deserved it (4159)

On 01/16/2014 at 10:42pm - misc - by Fire sucks. (man) - United States

Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML

#21026318
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21899) - you deserved it (48805)

On 01/13/2014 at 2:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I puked up an anti-nausea pill. FML

#21026645
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49833) - you deserved it (4505)

On 01/13/2014 at 3:35pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I shut one of my breasts in my car door. FML

#21031414
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51469) - you deserved it (9647)

On 01/18/2014 at 1:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted my cute neighbor doing the same. In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on my iced-over porch. I passed out and woke up with a note on my chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside". FML

#21027337
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47005) - you deserved it (7333)

On 01/14/2014 at 1:48am - misc - by rholt (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my students unanimously agreed, in front of me, that the only reason they take my course is to look at my ass. FML

#21028396
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57250) - you deserved it (14013)

On 01/15/2014 at 12:54am - intimacy - by jseid2 - United States (California)



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