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Friday 17 January 2014

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Today, I dropped my phone in the wet snow. I read that putting it in rice helps to get the water out. Three pieces of rice are now frozen into the power port, and I can't get the charger in. FML

by merrr / 01/20/2014 at 3:34pm / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I signed up for a dating site and used a photo of my mother and me at a wedding. Everyone stops responding when they find out they're talking to me and not her. FML

by dylanhollis / 01/17/2014 at 7:49am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my new calculus teacher taught everything using nothing but soccer terms and analogies, just so the resident idiot meatheads would understand. I didn't learn a thing. FML

by Anonymous / 01/17/2014 at 1:38pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, before a blind date with a girl set up by my flatmate, I put some aftershave on. Then I realised I had forgotten my contact lenses. When I put them in it caused so much pain that in my attempt to reach the bathroom I walked into a wall. When I got there, she saw my swollen face and left. FML

Today, I found out that even after three years, my boyfriend's mother replies, "Unfortunately" when asked if we are still together. FML

by monsterinlaw / 01/21/2014 at 1:25am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, my dad asked me to lend him some money to buy his medication, since he's all but broke right now. He returned with nothing but a bottle of tequila. FML

by chiktikka / 01/14/2014 at 5:06pm / United Kingdom / Money

Today, my grandma said, "I know you don't have any plans tonight. Do you want to go to bingo with me?" I said sure out of pity, and ended up being her designated driver after she got wasted later in the evening. FML

by my cheese grater + your dick / 01/17/2014 at 12:35pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my parents I was thinking about joining the army. They looked at each other and laughed for about 10 minutes straight. I wasn't joking. FML

by IMSERIOUS / 01/22/2014 at 2:23pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom made me go shopping with her. It was freezing out, but she didn't wear a coat, boasting that she doesn't feel the chill like I do. By the time we drove home she was whining about freezing to death, and now I'm stuck in a house whose heating is set to "inferno". FML

by Anonymous / 01/21/2014 at 4:30pm / Iceland / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a big final project due for class. None of my project partners would help me yesterday, because they were convinced we'd have a snow day. Unfortunately, we didn't have a snow day, and we failed. FML

by sidldaking / 01/21/2014 at 6:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mom took a picture of me. All she could say about the picture was, "At least your sister is pretty." FML

by MH / 01/24/2014 at 7:36am / Norway (Rogaland) / Love

Today, I found that I conduct so much static electricity that I'm periodically given a shock by my headphones as I walk with them on. 5ML

by PangolinScholar / 01/24/2014 at 7:34pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister had me kicked out of her wedding reception for, in the words of her new husband, "harshing the buzz." FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2014 at 10:05am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous