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Friday 17 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a girl I've never met before came up to me and punched me in the face, because she wanted to get suspended. FML

#21036028
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52188) - you deserved it (4093)

On 01/22/2014 at 11:30am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my wife and I were watching a football game. While someone was about to score, she started screaming, "Go!" and "Come on! You can do it! Go baby, go!" My first thought was that I wished I could still make her scream like that. FML

#21026614
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57171) - you deserved it (12257)

On 01/13/2014 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, after three weeks of fighting with my husband, I found out that he really didn't create an account on a website for cheaters and charge the bill to his credit card. Our daughter did it as a prank, and only confessed because our fighting was stressing her out. FML

#21031747
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52528) - you deserved it (6209)

On 01/18/2014 at 1:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML

#21035329
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55550) - you deserved it (11055)

On 01/21/2014 at 6:26pm - intimacy - by MM - United States (Maine)

Today, I realized that if you are dreaming that you have diarrhea, you probably have diarrhea. FML

#21030771
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46359) - you deserved it (4269)

On 01/17/2014 at 11:24am - health - by crap - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend was spending the day at my place. Later on, I walked in while she was making lunch. She had a jar of mayo in her hand, and I joked, "I have some mayo, but it doesn't come from a jar." She had a bluetooth headset on, and was in a call with her father. 5ML

#21037484
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45340) - you deserved it (24893)

On 01/23/2014 at 7:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I found out that whenever my ex-wife is late getting the kids to school, she tells them to tell their teachers they were with me, and forges my name on the sign-in sheet. Missing homework? Dad's house. Forgot to bring something important? Ditto. The school thinks I'm a horrible parent. FML

Today, after arriving home from work I found that my dog took a dump down the air conditioning vents on the floor. Now the whole house smells so good. FML

Today, my dad and I got royally bitched out by my mother, because she found a bill for a porn site subscription, which was paid by my dad, but made out to my name. I had no idea about any of this, but she now thinks I'm a filthy porn addict and that my dad is an enabler. FML

#21027732
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57873) - you deserved it (5699)

On 01/14/2014 at 3:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I found out that the generous gift from my boyfriend of a new iPhone was only given so he could use the "find my phone" function to make sure I'm always where I say I am each day. I'm being stalked by my own boyfriend. FML

#21028727
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53258) - you deserved it (8701)

On 01/15/2014 at 1:25pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Italy (Toscana)

Today, I went to the health department to get on some birth control. I left the health department without birth control, and with the news that I'm pregnant. FML

#21034014
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48641) - you deserved it (32840)

On 01/20/2014 at 3:23pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, in revenge for being grounded for bullying a kid at school, my eight-year-old son flung a handful of Lego in my path as I walked barefoot into the kitchen. I'm still in pain. 5ML

#21038562
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44926) - you deserved it (8777)

On 01/24/2014 at 6:10pm - kids - by limping (man) - Canada

Today, I puked up an anti-nausea pill. FML

#21026645
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52537) - you deserved it (4727)

On 01/13/2014 at 3:35pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)



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