Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Monday 30 December 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend told me that sometimes my nipples taste like onions. FML

#21012735
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47700) - you deserved it (9687)

On 01/01/2014 at 8:26am - intimacy - by Snufflopagus (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I wrote a text to the guy I've had a crush on for two years. I typed "hey" and put my phone down, not ready to send it. A little while later, I heard it buzz. The reply said "Um... what?" Apparently my sister had added "I'm a shitty prostitute" to my text and sent it. FML

#21016150
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47754) - you deserved it (8384)

On 01/04/2014 at 12:25am - love - by ... - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time. The first thing he did was show me a bullet, then he basically said that if I don't submit to his daughter's every whim, that bullet will end my life. FML

#21011731
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43779) - you deserved it (5290)

On 12/31/2013 at 3:57pm - love - by thisisavirus.exe (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. I accidentally reversed while still in the driveway, and I instinctively hit the brakes. In my panic, I accidentally let go of the brakes, and ended up reversing straight into our house, all while my father yelled "NOOOOOO!" FML

#21014440
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40491) - you deserved it (17863)

On 01/02/2014 at 4:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I woke up to every window in my house packed with snow. It was so bad that I thought I'd been snowed-in, and I started freaking out. It took two hours and multiple phone calls before I found out that my neighbor had taken our prank war too seriously and staged the whole thing. FML

#21015630
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38916) - you deserved it (12649)

On 01/03/2014 at 4:04pm - misc - by thanks.... (man) - United States

Today, I've had my tenth "Christmas" dinner since Christmas last took place. My mum has gone nuts and keeps playing Christmas music, making these dinners, and refusing to let me take down the Christmas decorations. My dad is too whipped to save us from this hell. FML

#21016807
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46658) - you deserved it (4479)

On 01/04/2014 at 4:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland

Today, I found a great recipe for dinner, and emailed it to myself with the subject "Dinner tonight". Hours later, I'd forgotten all about it, opened my emails, saw the subject line, and thought someone was asking me out to dinner. I got really excited until I saw the sender address. FML

#21019190
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47654) - you deserved it (14953)

On 01/06/2014 at 3:57pm - misc - by Mels (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I lost my virginity. We did it on the floor in my step-sister's room, and the entire time he kept pushing my head into the carpet. I lost my V-card but gained rug burn on my face that looks like a fatal disease. FML

#21016206
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48088) - you deserved it (21860)

On 01/04/2014 at 1:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML

#21016853
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61966) - you deserved it (8310)

On 01/04/2014 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by fuckmuppeter512 (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was dressing in front of my boyfriend. He was looking at me in wonder and I assumed this was a good thing. Then he muttered, "God damn, you're awkwardly shaped." FML

#21011563
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42466) - you deserved it (3578)

On 12/31/2013 at 12:47pm - misc - by awkword (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was called by the counselor to discuss my "issues". She told me that other students had reported to her that they saw scars on my arms. I don't cut, I just have a hormonal and aggressive parrot who sees me as his personal tree. FML

#21016256
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46703) - you deserved it (4035)

On 01/04/2014 at 2:21am - animals - by That Girl with the Amazon Parrot - United States

Today, I was watching TV with my husband, and he started getting frisky. When the commercial break started, we started having sex. When he came, there were still two commercials left before the show resumed. FML

#21011750
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56216) - you deserved it (6509)

On 12/31/2013 at 4:19pm - intimacy - by erjazo (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, despite all of the pictures and proof of my fiancé, my parents still think I have an imaginary boyfriend. They met him, and were there when he proposed. They think it's all a joke. FML

#21017461
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55963) - you deserved it (4174)

On 01/05/2014 at 2:11am - love - by Fiancé problemsss - United States (Montana)



FML's blog

  • RoSaCe's illustrated FML
  • Back to business! Yep, everyone is back from their vacation, unless you're a rich, childfree, lovin' life-type of person who doesn't go on holiday when everybody else does, and can do whatever they…

Friday 4 September 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: