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Monday 23 December 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my dog has found a new game he likes. It involves him rolling around on my new bed sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shocked. FML

#21008001
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44459) - you deserved it (5334)

On 12/28/2013 at 3:23am - animals - by honeybunny90 - United States (Texas)

Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML

#21008605
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46039) - you deserved it (3640)

On 12/28/2013 at 7:31pm - animals - by Anonomous - United States (Vermont)

Today, my 4-year-old daughter figured out how to set a parental code lock on our television so we can't watch football because it scares her when we scream. She won't tell us no matter what we bribe her with. FML

#21010264
311 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45141) - you deserved it (23496)

On 12/30/2013 at 7:10am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

#21007475
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49078) - you deserved it (6462)

On 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML

#21008990
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25953) - you deserved it (53470)

On 12/29/2013 at 2:01am - kids - by ConfusedDad - United States

Today, I went to take a shower. When I turned it on, no water came out. Only ants. FML

#21006941
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55912) - you deserved it (3575)

On 12/27/2013 at 2:28am - misc - by anon - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I took an extra xanax to help with my anxiety, then went to sleep. I guess it was probably too much, because I woke up a few hours later, freaking out and panicking because I was convinced I was a bee trapped in a human body. FML

#21008430
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41037) - you deserved it (9734)

On 12/28/2013 at 4:19pm - health - by beemove (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging to his friend about finally giving me an orgasm yesterday, but that he got scared because my orgasm face made me look like "a camel having a stroke." FML

#21007355
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47243) - you deserved it (5376)

On 12/27/2013 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Jamaica (Saint Andrew)

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML

#21007541
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38365) - you deserved it (3506)

On 12/27/2013 at 7:05pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I have to take time off from work to take part in an intervention because my sister's obsession with the guy from Harry Potter has crossed over into illegality. FML

#21009908
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39426) - you deserved it (3133)

On 12/29/2013 at 11:23pm - misc - by LeaveHimAlone (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was verbally abused by a tourist because neither I nor anyone else in my country can speak "proper English". We're in England - clue's in the name, dipshit. FML

#21009563
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39398) - you deserved it (4017)

On 12/29/2013 at 6:23pm - misc - by Kayak (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was watching ESPN. My boyfriend came in, bitched about "boring tv," so I handed him the remote. He put on a Lifetime movie. I must be the only woman in America with this problem. FML

#21010622
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47819) - you deserved it (4839)

On 12/30/2013 at 4:38pm - love - by smokecloud_ (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I took a girl on a date. Her and her imaginary friends. FML

#21008014
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41337) - you deserved it (4703)

On 12/28/2013 at 3:42am - love - by rokkstarrrVRV (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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