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Tuesday 10 December 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my teenage daughter found out that she's pregnant, but insists she's still a virgin. Who does she think knocked her up? God? FML

#20996030
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57158) - you deserved it (7476)

On 12/17/2013 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Egypt

Today, at my job as a night janitor, at which I work alone, I saw an old man enter a bathroom. When I went to investigate, it was completely empty. I'm now scared to work. FML

#20987406
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56583) - you deserved it (3633)

On 12/10/2013 at 4:50am - work - by scared shitless (man) - United States (California)

Today, I farted so loud that I woke myself up. And the stranger sitting next to me on the airplane. FML

#20988758
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44213) - you deserved it (7263)

On 12/11/2013 at 8:14am - misc - by pootie (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my cousin started sending sarcastic love messages to me. I replied, with even cheesier lines. Then she rang me saying she was so glad I felt the same way. Turns out she wasn't being sarcastic. FML

#20991120
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50885) - you deserved it (8703)

On 12/13/2013 at 10:10am - love - by wth? - United Kingdom (Rotherham)

Today, I woke up in my hospital bed after having knee surgery, on the wrong knee. FML

#20986378
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70015) - you deserved it (3838)

On 12/09/2013 at 2:17pm - health - by knee pain - United States

Today, my grandma added to my elephant collection by giving me some underwear with elephant ears on the hips, and a long, sock-like nose. She has no idea they're meant for a guy. FML

#20989013
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53058) - you deserved it (5113)

On 12/11/2013 at 3:14pm - intimacy - by ElephantLover (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

#20992325
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51316) - you deserved it (9400)

On 12/14/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my boyfriend let me be the first one to read the novel he dropped out of college to write. Turns out it's titled "A Brief History of Ass" and is an incoherent ramble about every time we've had anal sex. FML

#20989324
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53062) - you deserved it (8381)

On 12/11/2013 at 7:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I saw the guy who helped me yesterday when I was lost by telling me which bus to take. He came up to me and asked me how it went. I told him that the bus went the exact opposite way I wanted to go. He laughed and said, "I know." FML

Today, while at the gym, I noticed a creepy-looking guy watching me. When I got up from the equipment, I noticed that he sniffed the seat. I didn't say anything the first time. After he did it the second time, I asked him to stop. He bent down and sniffed it without breaking eye contact. FML

#20996147
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48631) - you deserved it (3609)

On 12/17/2013 at 6:48pm - misc - by gymgirl - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

#20986479
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59150) - you deserved it (5050)

On 12/09/2013 at 4:01pm - misc - by igotpride - United States

Today, I found out that my dad is actually my uncle, and vice-versa. FML

#20994621
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55540) - you deserved it (3182)

On 12/16/2013 at 12:49pm - misc - by confsused - Canada (Ontario)



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