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Tuesday 3 December 2013

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Today, my wife made a system where I earn gaming time by either giving her money or doing her favors. Now whenever I use my phone, she accuses me of "secretly playing Xbox games" and gets pissed at me. I'm 28 years old. FML

by Somerandomguy64 / 12/10/2013 at 1:04pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, upon hearing of the death of Nelson Mandela, I posted a link on Facebook to the South African children's hospital in his name and donated. I was completely ignored whilst my newsfeed became clogged by my middle-class friends with "RIP Nelson Mandela" and photos of Morgan Freeman. FML

by purebliss / 12/05/2013 at 7:43pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was accused of shoplifting because my jacket looked "too chunky". I wasn't stealing, I'm just fat. FML

by goingtothegym / 12/08/2013 at 8:16pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I found out who's been stealing clothes from me during swim practice. She called me a liar, despite wearing one of my sweaters, which has my initials stitched into it. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2013 at 3:25pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got nominated to sit in a chair in the middle of the gym during a high school rally while the entire school got to throw paper balls at me. FML

by reallyhighschool / 12/03/2013 at 11:34am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2013 at 4:15pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Work

Today, my friend's dog got hit by a car. I was the only one not in shock, and had to drag the poor thing off the road, then comfort a hysterical friend while the driver verbally abused us and demanded we pay for the repairs to his car. FML

Today, I set up a motion-activated sprinkler to drench the neighborhood kids who have been ding dong ditching me for years. Because they cannot get close enough to ring the doorbell, they decided to start egging me instead. FML

by Kyle / 12/03/2013 at 1:09am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my dad paid for my sister's friend's airplane ticket so she could attend my sister's wedding. I would have been there myself, but I couldn't afford the airplane ticket. FML

by Akestarr / 12/02/2013 at 8:28am / United States (Indiana) / Money

Today, playing soccer, I jumped up to make a header and clear the ball away from our goal. I got the ball but some guy kicked me in the face. I was taken off. All the parents were horrified, saying how badly my nose must have broken. Turns out my nose was fine. That's just how my nose looks. FML

by supras / 12/03/2013 at 9:03pm / United Kingdom (Luton) / Health

Today, a customer threatened to come back later and shoot the whole place up. Why? I didn't give him a discount on his beer. My boss's reaction when I called the police: "Why didn't you give him the discount?!" Last week he bitched me out for letting a girl off for being a few cents short on hers. FML

by eat my fucking ass, boss / 12/06/2013 at 6:37pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, I got the ending to Breaking Bad spoiled for me by a cashier while I was buying the final season box-set. FML

by nemesis5196523 / 12/03/2013 at 2:45pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a call from the girl I like. I got very excited so I quickly picked up. As it turns out, she was actually prank calling me, pretending to be a "liposuction telemarketer" but forgot to press *67. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2013 at 3:50am / United States / Love