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Tuesday 3 December 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML

#20982965
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51267) - you deserved it (5341)

On 12/06/2013 at 4:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my 6-year-old daughter got mad at me for not buying her yet another expensive doll. I had to pull her away, and she started screaming for help. The next thing I know, another shopper puts me in a chokehold and calls for security, all while my daughter smirks. FML

#20983816
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48791) - you deserved it (5695)

On 12/07/2013 at 12:29pm - kids - by john doe (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out that I am bleeding from my cervix and must refrain from having sex for the next two weeks. My fiancé pointedly asked if my cervix has anything to do with my mouth. FML

#20987856
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53447) - you deserved it (10273)

On 12/10/2013 at 4:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I came home to a noise complaint letter taped to my apartment door. I haven't been home in over a month. FML

#20981967
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36803) - you deserved it (2072)

On 12/05/2013 at 6:39pm - misc - by Lulu - United States (Missouri)

Today, my grandkids went around my house claiming items to inherit. FML

#20984796
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50863) - you deserved it (3809)

On 12/08/2013 at 8:19am - kids - by blah! - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I asked my girlfriend what she loves the most about me. She said it's the fact that I look like her cousin. FML

#20984907
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45359) - you deserved it (3715)

On 12/08/2013 at 11:49am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that my stepbrother has been telling his friends that I'm his girlfriend. FML

#20985907
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46546) - you deserved it (3064)

On 12/09/2013 at 12:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got to spend all of my time scrubbing poop off the walls and carpet because my 2-year-old decided he wanted to 'paint mama a picture.' FML

Today, I got the ending to Breaking Bad spoiled for me by a cashier while I was buying the final season box-set. FML

#20979412
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41555) - you deserved it (3788)

On 12/03/2013 at 2:45pm - misc - by nemesis5196523 (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I'm not getting paid 400$ per month because I failed my Russian language proficiency test. Russian is my first language. FML

#20980385
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36771) - you deserved it (15029)

On 12/04/2013 at 11:24am - work - by russianfail - United States (Texas)

Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML

#20980593
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43192) - you deserved it (3972)

On 12/04/2013 at 4:15pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when I got a sudden agonising cramp in my foot. I cried out in pain, but he didn't stop. If anything, my cries of pain seemed to spur him on. FML

#20981691
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46246) - you deserved it (8210)

On 12/05/2013 at 2:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Sunderland)

Today, the "man cold" has infected my brother. He honestly thinks he's dying. He only has the sniffles. FML

#20982595
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36466) - you deserved it (3410)

On 12/06/2013 at 7:21am - health - by linzl00 - United States (Massachusetts)



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