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Tuesday 3 December 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was chatting with my mother. She was telling me about some new mouthwash she recently got, and the moment the word "gargle" escaped her lips, my husband muttered just a little too loudly from the kitchen, "How about gargling my balls instead, bitch." Our family is now at war. FML

#20985190
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48906) - you deserved it (5408)

On 12/08/2013 at 3:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

#20986479
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57178) - you deserved it (4856)

On 12/09/2013 at 4:01pm - misc - by igotpride - United States

Today, I dyed my hair. And my forehead. And my ears. And my arms. And my hands. FML

Today, I found out that I take long enough showers for my boyfriend to sleep with my sister and put everything back to normal before I get out. I found out when I needed more shampoo that was in a shopping bag in my room. FML

#20984084
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65287) - you deserved it (5418)

On 12/07/2013 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by mystery - United States (North Dakota)

Today, my boyfriend bought a onesie. He sleeps in it, goes out in it and won't take it off, not even for sex. FML

Today, while trying to break up with my girlfriend, I somehow ended up begging her not to break up with me. I'm still not sure how that happened. FML

#20988052
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39644) - you deserved it (20016)

On 12/10/2013 at 6:38pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Bangladesh

Today, my wicked mother has been with us for a week. She's already thrown away my daughter's favorite toy, broke my computer, scratched my oak table, stained my most expensive shirt, peed in our bed, and called the attention of the cops by staring at kids in school. She's staying for three months. FML

Today, marks my fifth day being an English teacher's assistant. I spent it like the other four days: grading and editing terrible Teen Wolf, One Direction and Doctor Who high school fan-fiction. Six months until I get out of here. FML

#20987358
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38171) - you deserved it (5744)

On 12/10/2013 at 2:38am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my 4-year-old daughter stood up to a bully in the mall. I was the one who was getting bullied. FML

#20979326
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44259) - you deserved it (8273)

On 12/03/2013 at 12:33pm - kids - by DocShadow (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my wife made me a Sex Rewards Chart, where I get points by doing chores and such, and 50 points gets me some action. She refuses to even look at me if I haven't earned the points, and is contemplating sleeping alone in the guest room until I earn more points. FML

#20983710
403 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60973) - you deserved it (19077)

On 12/07/2013 at 9:55am - intimacy - by feiedbutter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while having sex with my husband, we had to move around our cat during position changes. Our cat controls our sex life. FML

#20978895
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41619) - you deserved it (15606)

On 12/02/2013 at 11:26pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, as a pickup line, a guy said to me, "Yo, can I kiss your vag' under the mistletoe?" FML

#20985559
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52026) - you deserved it (4926)

On 12/08/2013 at 9:21pm - intimacy - by mistletoe (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend and I finally watched Toy Story 3; I ended up crying when the toys almost die. After the movie, my girlfriend broke up with me because I embarrassed her. FML

#20982712
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44805) - you deserved it (11390)

On 12/06/2013 at 11:13am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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