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Tuesday 12 November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

#20963971
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25873) - you deserved it (63908)

On 11/19/2013 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend went down on me. I don't know why, but my mind wandered. He now thinks that he has the skills of a porn star, while I'm pretty sure that finally solving a mathematical problem I've been working on for a week caused me to orgasm. FML

#20963297
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50620) - you deserved it (8397)

On 11/19/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by you+me-clothes=53>< (woman) - Austria (Wien)

Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML

#20958646
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42018) - you deserved it (2857)

On 11/15/2013 at 12:49pm - misc - by mummer11 (woman) - Ireland

Today, I let my sister hold my newborn daughter for the first time. I heard her mutter under her breath, "I could kill you so easily..." FML

Today, I got my dad to fill in a questionnaire my teacher handed out on Friday. One question said "I would like to see my son/daughter ______." My dad wrote in the blank: "less often." FML

#20961005
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47528) - you deserved it (4118)

On 11/17/2013 at 3:27pm - kids - by :( (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was mentioning to a coworker how there was a huge lull today in business. A young coworker then turns to me and says in a snooty tone, "I think you mean a 'lol', it's pronounced L-O-L." FML

#20953649
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42739) - you deserved it (2826)

On 11/11/2013 at 5:36am - work - by shut up. - New Zealand

Today, while working at McDonald's, an angry customer called asking for his money back. Apparently we'd put 6 cheeseburgers in his bag instead of 5, he ate them all and now feels sick. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

#20961988
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44575) - you deserved it (18005)

On 11/18/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by flavored (woman) - United States

Today, my sister introduced our parents to her new boyfriend. He's my boyfriend, and he told me he was going to be out of state for a few weeks on business. FML

Today, my mom bitched me out for still being single at age 19, and still not having started a family. She considers this "immoral," yet showed nothing but praise for my sister, who's pregnant at 15 and doesn't know which of three guys is the father. FML

#20960837
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58118) - you deserved it (2700)

On 11/17/2013 at 12:46pm - misc - by failed brood mare (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I'm moving from Arizona to Washington State with my 2 cats in my car. I've only just left and just learned that one cat gets carsick and the other stress farts. Only 956 more miles to go. FML

#20962468
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43131) - you deserved it (5845)

On 11/18/2013 at 6:47pm - animals - by Catcrap! - United States (California)

Today, I got a concussion. It was when an entire shelf of bicycle helmets tumbled onto my skull. FML

#20954433
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38395) - you deserved it (2828)

On 11/11/2013 at 9:14pm - health - by myheadhurts (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I jack off "real weird." FML

#20957730
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45983) - you deserved it (14683)

On 11/14/2013 at 5:15pm - intimacy - by jack s.b. (man) - United States (Texas)



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