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Thursday 24 October 2013

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Today, I had an anxiety attack when I learned that my favorite book series is coming to the end. I had to leave the store and sit in my car. FML

by Anonymous / 10/23/2013 at 12:43am / Canada (Manitoba) / Health

Today, I enjoyed a romantic evening at home with my husband while a babysitter took care of my 5-year-old daughter. After she came home, she told me the sitter let her use her "weird swing." I wasn't too worried, until she said it was indoors, and I realized she was describing a sex swing. FML

by Anonymous / 10/27/2013 at 12:33pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Kids

Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and premature ejaculation while sober. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2013 at 5:26pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, my professor tried to scare the hiccups out of me. Some pee came out instead. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2013 at 6:39pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, a radio show asked the question, "Where does the dentist live in Finding Nemo?" I called in and got through. When he asked me the question, instead of the actual answer I quickly gave out my own address over live radio. FML

by Anonymous / 10/30/2013 at 11:58am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML

by OutOfMyMind / 10/21/2013 at 8:12pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, my dog got out of the house. I was running after him and remembered the old "pretend you're hurt" trick. I got on the ground, and cried out as if I was hurt. My dog just kept running. FML

by WalnutGaming / 10/22/2013 at 3:20pm / United States (Maryland) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend broke a glass in the kitchen and accidentally stepped on it, cutting his foot. He asked me if I could help him clean his cut. Apparently, he's ticklish and I now have a huge bruise on my chest from where he kicked me. FML

by ouch.... / 10/21/2013 at 9:24pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, my fiancée of 2 years and mother of my son, who is also pregnant with our second son, commented on how lucky two friends getting married were to have found each other. I said that we're just as lucky. She responded, "No. They actually love each other." FML

by failure / 10/27/2013 at 8:41pm / United States (Louisiana) / Love

Today, I went to a haunted house with the girl I like, thinking that she would get scared and turn to me for comfort. I ended up running out, and was put on the Wall of Shame. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2013 at 12:35am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I found out that, although I have the same job title and complete the same work as my male colleagues, I get paid 15% less, purely because I'm a girl. FML

by Anonymous / 10/30/2013 at 6:27pm / United Kingdom (Havering) / Work

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been sleeping around. After telling my best friend, I also found out that he and a few others have known for the past month. He asked, shocked, "Dude, I thought you knew?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2013 at 7:55pm / United States / Love

Today, I learned where my mom's "special hiding spot" that I'll "never find" for the Halloween chocolate is, when I preheated the oven to make cookies. FML

by / 10/21/2013 at 12:57pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous