Choose the period

Thursday 24 October 2013

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, my dad came into my room, looked at my laptop, and said he could hear the porn I was watching all the way from his room. I wasn't watching porn. We soon realised it was actually coming from his mobile phone. FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2013 at 3:07pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML

by goodgrief / 10/30/2013 at 2:28pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend told me how jealous he gets when I "hang out" with Dylan. Dylan is the 5-year-old boy whom I babysit every day. My boyfriend wants me to stop, because apparently Dylan cockblocks him. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2013 at 8:49pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I put a picture of my cat on Facebook. A stranger sent me a message saying how "attractive" she was and that her eyes are "very seductive". So, basically, someone is trying to hit on my cat. FML

by meow / 10/30/2013 at 3:03am / United States / Animals

Today, l grounded my 17-year-old son from his computer because of his terrible attitude towards his homework. As payback, he convinced my 5-year-old daughter that if she goes to sleep, she'll never wake up. I now have a hysterical and sleepless child to deal with. FML

by PIGaming / 10/28/2013 at 1:35am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my ex boyfriend got into a physical fight with the guy I've been casually seeing for 9 months. Afterwards, they had a beer, a long chat, and decided this was my fault and I wasn't worth the drama. FML

by what did I do? / 10/25/2013 at 7:54am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, my best friend went in for her scheduled mammogram, and I sent her a text saying, "How're your boobies?" It was only after I sent it that I realized I'd sent it to my history professor. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2013 at 12:47pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, a homeless guy asked me for a cigarette. Knowing that I only had a couple left in my pack, I gave it to him. He opened it, took one out and thanked me profusely. A bit surprised, I went on my way. Oh yes, that's right, the pack contained the money I'd withdrawn from an ATM. FML

by cAtaLanbLoOd / 10/24/2013 at 2:06am / France (Languedoc-Roussillon) / Money

Today, I was refereeing a soccer match and I called a foul. An angry coach kept screaming at me, saying "You're crazy!" I asked him to leave the field. As he left, he lifted his middle finger and screamed, "FUCK YOU!" I ref 5-year-olds. FML

by Anonymous / 10/29/2013 at 12:21pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, the tickets I bought for my favorite band's concert arrived in the mail. The concert was last night. FML

by MsConfusedd / 10/27/2013 at 12:11am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was leaving the grocery store when an old woman started yelling at me for not holding the door open for her. She accused me of being "everything wrong with the younger generation". It was an automatic door. FML

by Greg / 10/28/2013 at 5:53pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got into a fight with my mother. Her idea of a birthday present to me is buying me a husband. Yes, buying. She told an asshat she found online about my trust fund, and now they're both trying to put together "the wedding of the millennium". She still doesn't understand why I'm mad. FML

Today, I failed hard at a color test. I thought it was a joke because most of the colors looked the same to me. Now I know why people laugh at my clothes color choices. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2013 at 12:51am / United States (California) / Health